Why Hasn’t HBO Started Selling Beer Can Men From ‘True Detective’ Yet?

Senior Pop Culture Editor
01.30.14 14 Comments

Here’s a conversation that happened online between two employed adult men earlier this week:

Man #1 i thought about doing a “SELL RUST COHLE BEER CAN MEN” post. i would buy one yesterday

Man #2: i would buy two and send them on imaginary missions

Man #1: and then they could have beer can babies

Man #2: well, one would have to be a beer can woman, Man #1 (aluminum boobs)

Man #1: they could adopt

Man #2: not in the deep south, fella. they’d need a beer can uhaul to move to a nice little beer can condo in massachusetts

Man #1: now that’s the beer can do attitude

Their identities have been concealed, because I, er, they don’t want to take credit when HBO finally caves in to fan demand and BEGINS SELLING BEER CAN MEN JEEZ. It’s so simple, really: HBO can trick Matthew McConaughey into attending a last-second “press event,” and when he arrives, lock him in a room with 2,000 Lone Star beer cans. He can’t leave, they’d say, until he’s made 2,000 beer can men. (Lest you think they’re monsters, McConaughey would wear earmuffs; even he can only take the sound of a knife slicing into aluminum for so long.)

All I’m saying is, that would look really good next to my bottle of Tru Blood and box of Honey Nut Omar-o’s.

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