Hostess Finally Brings Us The Chocolate Cake Twinkies We Deserve

Terrible things happen in the world every day. I mean, the news is just littered with injustice and murder and war. Why do you even watch the news? you think.Humanity is doomed and the world is a truly horrible place,” you said yesterday to absolutely no one.

But not today.

Hostess has come out with a new line of CHOCOLATE CAKE TWINKIES!! And we’re filled with joy for the first time in our miserable lives. Vanilla cake twinkies are old hat, but chocolate cake twinkies…they’re the WAVE OF THE FUTURE.

“But isn’t that just a HoHo?” You ask like a small child. NO. HoHos are rolled in a thin layer of chocolate after the cake. The cream comes in a swirl rather than a giant hole in the middle. They’re totally and completely different. How do you not know that? UGH. Leave me alone. You’re not my real dad.

Also, in very important twinkie news (which I assume will be blasting on CNN all day), Fudge Covered Twinkies have been reinvented to be larger, have a thicker fudge coating, and a higher crème-to-cake ratio.

Both Chocolate Cake Twinkies and the improved Fudge Covered Twinkies are currently available in stores nationwide. So go get some and then report back, you crazy kids. Today’s going to be a good day (she says as something explodes behind her).