House Burns Down Due to Lost Remote

Okay, this is a really sad story, but it’s also a story of great stupidity, so I’m going to try to take some of the edge off of this by playing one of our favorite games: FLORIDA OR OHIO? It’s easy to play: you just read about Americans at their finest, and then take a guess as to which state’s woefully backward population provided the drama.

The homeowner, Karen Rhine, told Fox 8 that the blaze on Gayer Drive was accidentally ignited when her 19-year-old son used a lighter to look for a remote control under his bed.

“Up went the mattress and before he could even, he tried to flip over the mattress to get it and put it out”, said Rhine, “and everything just went up.”

Investigators say in the panicked moments after the fire started, members of the family made a fateful decision.

“On the way out, they thought they were going to try to control some of the smoke damage, open up some windows and open up the door and propped it open”, said Chief Bob Painter, “and actually it works in the opposite with the wind, it just turned the whole house into a chimney, feeding the fire with the oxygen and it just continued to grow.” [LA Times]

(The sad part of the story is that the family’s three dogs died in the fire. Guhhhh, that kills me.) Anyway, the correct answer is…


OHIO! Yes, the fire took place in Medina, Ohio, the same place where farts break up city council meetings. And due south of Medina is Warsaw, where garage strippers protest church protesters. Never change, Ohio.