TV

Here Are Some Very ‘Important’ Questions We Have About ‘House Of Cards’ Season 3

WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW… obviously

It’s been about a week since the season premiere of House of Cards. After binging through the season, you may have some sensible questions regarding the Underwoood’s marriage, President FU’s re-election chances, or how exactly Doug pulled off the night with the physical therapist. I won’t be talking about any of that, but there were some other points that seemed to be worth addressing.

You need Alzheimer’s to hear Frank Underwood talking to the audience?

One of Frank’s chats to the camera was interrupted because a SCOTUS Justice with onset Alzheimer’s could hear some of it. Clearly this means once it fully sets in, you’ll be able to comprehend the talks (not unlike Angelica talking to the babies on Rugrats), though I imagine there would be some drawbacks…

Is there a better beverage to enjoy by needle than bourbon?

To be clear, ingesting a drink via needle probably isn’t the most convenient way to enjoy you beverage. But if you’re gonna do it, better to use something you’re not going to gulp down quickly.

Are shawls really that strong?

I may have not been aware of how strong shawls were in regards to holding up body weight. I may have also tried to test this theory out with a similar article of clothing. Moving on…

What would it take for you to fake having an STD?

Gavin was under a lot of pressure from the CIA to lie to Lisa about his condition. My threshold however would be much lower. Someone could offer a free meal, and not even from a fancy restaurant. I’d probably do it for a hoagie.

Is caring for Cashew a fair exchange for such a betrayal?

Of course it is.

Was Meechum jealous of Yates’… closeness to Frank?

As you may remember, the head of the Secret Service got very close with the president last season. He was also no fan of Yates spending time with the president. Now, Meechum could be concerned about some writer influencing the campaign OR just be worried someone’s horning in on his territory.

Was there a bigger clash of high and low brow at the White House than beer pong in fancy dress?

I mean, I guess maybe if they were to show some world leader using the rest room, but this show is above such-

Oh, right.

Why bother bringing up kids in a debate?

“Hey this argument seems dumb and could probably be used against me.”

“Run with it anyways.”

I’m not surprised with the result so much as Jakie running down the cons and still going along with it.

They’re gonna bring Rachel’s story back next season, aren’t they?

Oh sure, you can take that shot of Rachel being buried in the ground as a metaphor for the end of her arc, but after stretching that story for three seasons I wouldn’t be surprised if some consequences are hurled at Doug for his actions. He might even have a flashback sequence.

When did a South Carolina Democrat get elected to Congress in the first place?

This is more something I ask every season, but it’s still weird that Underwood is a D from SC. I’ve asked others, and have gotten responses like, “That just shows how good Frank is at politics,” or, “Psh, Blue Dog Democrats don’t count,” or “Hey, there’s one in office right now, do some research.” Which, fine, but that still seems like a randomly unnecessary distinction.

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