Thanksgiving is supposed to be a joyous occasion. After all, it includes the words “thanks” and “giving,” both of which connote positive, happy and fluffy things. Yet occasional monkey wrenches like canned cranberry sauce, suspicious in-laws and mildly racist extended family members keep mucking up the American holiday tradition. So instead of commemorating European refugees’ illegal immigration to the North American continent hundreds of years ago, let’s drop all pretenses and celebrate a different holiday. One given to us by the creators of How I Met Your Mother.
What Is Slapsgiving?
One of the How I Met Your Mother‘s best gags was the slap bet, which inspired more than five fingers’ worth of memorable moments. The slap bet’s most momentous contribution to our society, however, is the invention of Slapsgiving, a Thanksgiving alternative that shuns the holiday’s worst attributes, while keeping the good ones and adding new goodies to the mix. Like slapping other people.
More Friends Than Family
Might as well admit that one of the worst parts about Thanksgiving is spending time with the family. Too much time, that is. Hence the endless parade of blog posts about what to do when confronted by a blatantly racist parent, aunt, uncle or grandparent. Considering the inherently violent nature of Slapsgiving, however, celebrants will probably replace all of late November’s excess family time with their friends.
One of the many truths dolled out by life is that, when slapped, a friend most likely won’t hold it against the slapper. Any normal person would be pissed about getting slapped, but the hand imprint on their face will eventually subside. Plus, slaps between friends can always be blamed on the alcohol.
Anyone who slaps a family member, whether immediate or extended, will never be forgiven. Even the most loving, heartfelt appeals to the joyous traditions of Slapsgiving will be buried under levels of suppressed hatred so deep, no therapist will be able to undo the damage wrought by you slapping your father in the name of a holiday from a TV show.
Burning Calories, One Slap At A Time
ABC News reports that a typical Thanksgiving meal adds up to 2,092 calories, including appetizers, desserts, and alcohol. This will put women ages 26 to 45 above their USDA suggested daily intake of 2,000 calories. Men the same age can take in up to 2,600 calories per day, but let’s not forget this is all from a single sitting. In other words, Thanksgiving is by no means a healthy holiday.
Since Slapsgiving doesn’t really change any of its counterpart’s food options, participants must face the same levels of increased caloric consumption. Unlike their pilgrim and Native American-obsessed counterparts, however, Slapsgiving proponents will burn plenty of calories while slapping and avoiding slaps from their friends. No hard data exists to back this claim up, but hey — slapping the host and avoiding his or her return slap immediately after can be an Olympics-worthy physical feat that rewards balance and quickness.
Slapsgiving Has Its Own Theme Song
There are no Thanksgiving carols, despite Jimmy Kimmel‘s attempt to make the “We Wish You A Good Black Friday” tune into a sensation on Tuesday’s Jimmy Kimmel Live. If any music is played at Thanksgiving, it’s probably Christmas carols meant to get the family excited for their 3 a.m. queue outside of the closest Target Superstore. That’s fine and all, but Slapsgiving has its own dedicated theme song.
Marshall first performed “You Just Got Slapped” in the third season episode, “Slapsgiving.” Following Lily Aldrin’s (Alyson Hannigan) authorization to slap Barney at Thanksgiving, the statuesque Midwesterner went over to the piano and debuted the song for everyone in attendance. Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris) even sang along, despite the obvious pain in his face.
As Well As A Boyz II Men Cover
Not only does this more robust alternative to Thanksgiving have its own song, but Boyz II Men performed a cover during the last season to commemorate the show’s final Slapsgiving. It’s so good, Uproxx’s Danger Guerrero wrote specifically about the episode just so that he could spend more time expressing his love for the band.
Nathan Morris, Wanya Morris and Shawn Stockman were all there, dressed in white and singing about slapping and getting slapped by people in the face for the annual holiday. All the while, Barney sat in a small garden, pondering what a slap-less life might look like. It would be terrible, obviously, as such a future would be devoid of Slapsgiving.