James Van Der Beek Will Star In ‘CSI: Cyber,’ Which Is Apparently A Real Show!

Two things going on here, both of them interesting.

First of all, James Van Der Beek has signed on to play the lead role in CBS’s latest CSI spinoff, CSI: Cyber. From THR:

Van Der Beek will play FBI Agent Elijah Mundo, an expert in battlefield forensics recruited by special agent Avery Ryan (Patricia Arquette) for his war efforts in Afghanistan. Mundo is a savant when it comes to weaponry, vehicles and bombs. A self-proclaimed action junkie, Mundo will often put himself at risk to seek permanent justice, while Ryan will level his die-hard behavior with her expertise in psychology. Together, they will team up to fight the world’s toughest cyber crimes, both foreign and domestic.

Van Der Beek seems like a good dude who has a decent sense of humor about himself (as fans of Don’t Trust the B— can attest), and he was The Mox, so it’s nice to see him land a cushy network gig.

The second thing about this news is HOLY SH*T THERE’S A SHOW CALLED CSI: CYBER? CSI: CYBER?! That sounds like something a first-year writer on SNL would pitch. (“Looks like this computer virus … [removes Google Glass] … needs a vaccine.”) And that’s before you even get to the thing where his character is a “self-proclaimed action junkie” who is “a savant when it comes to weaponry, vehicles and bombs” that is out for “permanent justice.” PERMANENT JUSTICE! What does that even mean? How is it not the title of a Steven Seagal movie? How is it not the title of EVERY Steven Seagal movie? So many questions.

I hope the series opens with him skitchin’ into an active crime scene to defuse a bomb, and then producing a business card made out Doritos that says “Elijah Mundo: Exxxxtreme Bomb Savant,” and then BOOM opening credits set to “Down With the Sickness” by Disturbed. This is the most excited I’ve been about a show I’ll never watch since CBS announced Cam Gigandet’s ridiculous lawyer show.