Remembering The Loud And Angry Love Of Jeff And Susie On ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’

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On Tuesday, Jeff Garlin attended the Television Critics Association summer press tour, and during one panel discussion, the subject of Curb Your Enthusiasm was brought up. The hit HBO show (which can be streamed on HBO Now) has not had a new season since 2011, so of course Garlin was asked about the possibility of the sitcom making a comeback. Surprisingly, he was somewhat optimistic, placing the odds at 51 percent.

That’s an encouraging figure, especially because the show is in the midst of its longest hiatus ever, and many fans have long since given up hope that they would ever see a ninth season. Whether or not it actually happens, Garlin can always rest assured that he will forever be a part of one of the better sitcoms ever produced.

Part of the reason for that? Jeff’s relationship with his TV wife, Susie (played by Susie Essman), who was always volatile. With Susie’s ability to make a person feel small through verbal outbursts and Jeff’s inability to defend himself while exhibiting general passivity toward her, their screen time together always resulted in loud and unforgettable moments. So, let’s look back at some of their funniest moments of marital “bliss.”

Where’s The Head? Get Me The Head!

In the season two episode titled “The Doll,” Larry ended up traumatizing a young girl by cutting the hair off her doll’s head. He found the same doll in Jeff and Susie’s daughter’s collection, so to “fix” his predicament, his bright idea was to rip off the head and steal it. However, once Susie got wind of what happened, she went off on Larry and Jeff the only way she knew how… with a string of colorful expletives. “Bring me back the head, you fat piece of sh*t.”

Don’t You Dare Mention The D-Word.

While enjoying a nice lunch, the subject of divorce was brought up. Jeff casually mentioned that in this “unlikeliest” of hypotheticals, he’d gladly take half of what Susie doesn’t want. “You take your 50 percent, I’ll take whatever’s left,” he said. Susie, on the other hand, had other ideas. “Let me tell you something, Mister. I’m taking you for everything you have. I’m taking your balls and I’m thumb-tacking them to the wall. You will rue the day you ever met me.” Well, okay then.

Our House Has Been Ransacked, You Fat F*ck.

In the season one episode “The Wire,” Jeff was sponsoring an at-risk youth who had a penchant for starting fires. Late in the episode, the kid ended up ransacking the Greenes’ house and stealing their belongings. Susie, of course, had no problem pointing her finger at the real culprit… her fat f*cking asshole of a husband, who allowed the kid into their house in the first place. “You know what he stole, Jeff? He stole our wedding album,” Susie pointed out. I can’t imagine Jeff cared much about that, however.

It’s Important For Couples To Maintain Romance.

This scene was a perfect example of how quickly Susie’s mood could go from zero to 100. First, she was smiling, enjoying a beautiful day at the beach. Seconds later, she asked Jeff to accompany her on a walk, which Jeff declined. That was not the smart play. “Get up off your fat ass and let’s take a walk. It’ll be romantic.”

What Do You Mean, Cheryl Banned You From The House?

After Cheryl discovered that Jeff pleasured himself while in their house, she promptly banned him from ever coming over again (pun intended). Susie overheard that Jeff was no longer welcome at the David household, and of course wanted to know why. After learning the reason, she had an interesting take on the situation. “You brought your semen outside our house? That’s adultery!”

Then again, banning Jeff from her house? Who was Cheryl to tell Susie’s husband what to do? That’s her job. Seemingly everyone was on the receiving end of Susie’s wrath in this episode.