Jesus, Man. Get Some Help.

05.25.10 9 years ago 11 Comments

Every couple of months, David Hasselfhoff gets hospitalized for drinking, and I need to break out the David-Hasselhoff-slinging-booze Photoshop here — to the point that I’m surprised there isn’t an actual photo that looks just like it (For the record, I prefer the Cinco de Mayo variant).

So guess what, everybody? David Hasselhoff got hospitalized again after his 17-year-old daughter Hayley drove him to the ER. Is he okay? Was it booze? Well, RadarOnline‘s not NOT saying it was booze, but… it was totally booze:

The former America’s Got Talent judge has battled a severe alcohol problem for years and been hospitalized more than five times for binge drinking-related problems within the past five years…

Hasselhoff had been drinking alcohol for three days before being hospitalized Sunday, the source said.

The star has continued to deny his drinking problem. “I’m sure he’ll try to deny it this time, too,” the source said. “And that’s sad, because it’s his daughter who is suffering when she has to take care of him after a bender.” […]

Hasselhoff’s booze benders have become legendary — and an open secret in Hollywood despite lawyers and publicists regularly covering up for him.

Wait, an “open” secret? An open secret means that it’s actually a secret to some people. Hold up, let me put this one into the Google machine:

Dude, getting hospitalized for drinking is something only college freshmen should do. Time for rehab. Just please not “Celebrity Rehab.”

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