Kelly Kapowski Had A Daughter

06.18.10 15 Comments

Danger Guerrero here.  Matt will be back for one more post, then I’m back for the Weekend Preview.  It’ll be like “My Two Dads,” but if that show starred Face and Murdock from “The A-Team.”  And instead of sharing a daughter, they fought crime.  In a van.  With Mr. T and a cigar-chomping mastermind.  Other than that, totally like “My Two Dads.”

Earlier this week, Tiffani Thiessen and her husband, some a-hole, celebrated the birth of their first child.  Give us the exclusive details, PEOPLE Magazine:

Tiffani Thiessen and husband Brady Smith have a reason to celebrate!

The couple welcomed their first child, daughter Harper Renn Smith, on Tuesday in Los Angeles, her rep tells PEOPLE exclusively.

Baby Harper, who weighed in at 8 lbs., 3 oz., is “doing great,” as are the new parents.

Ok, two thoughts.  Number one, a baby harper would suck.  With its stupid, chubby little arms, there’s no way it could reach all the strings.  Number two, *circles June 15, 2028 on calendar* *apparently owns 240 month calendar*.

As Warming Glow’s resident “Saved by the Bell” expert, I could go on for thousands of words about my love of Kelly Kapowski.  She was my first real serious TV crush.  When she was in that green bathing suit in the Malibu Sands episodes, a preteen DG was happily confused by the feelings coming from his loins.  I died a little whenever she ended up with some douche, like Jeff (*grits teeth angrily*) or pedophile lawyer Brian Hanson, in the four-part extravaganza “Hawaiian Style.”  (She was 17.  He couldn’t have been younger than 30.  I’ve done the math.)  My infatuation continues to this day – I’ve had a standing birthday request for the last dozen years for someone to get me the life-size cutout picture of her that Zack kept in his closet.

So as excited as I am for Tiffani to experience the joys of motherhood, I’m conflicted.  It should have been MY baby she was having.  Although, then I’d end up in prison for trying to harm my child in a jealous rage.  NO ONE SUCKLES THOSE NIPPLES BUT ME!  I’LL KILL YOU, VELOCIRAPTOR KAPOWSKI-GUERRERO!

After the jump, a mesmerizing GIF of Kelly from the scene the banner pic is taken from:

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