TV

The Best Characters And Most Beautiful Lines From Kroll Show

As we approach the end of Kroll Show — and as Nick Kroll’s movie Adult Beginners screens at SXSW — we look to the wonderful world he’s created and the characters we’ve been mesmerized with over the short run.

In regards to ending the show on its third season, Kroll explained in an interview with Jimmy Kimmel, “When we started the show way back in 2011, to think that we would be here almost three years later, what a journey. What a journey we’ve been on… I had a vision for what the show would be and I felt like we accomplished what we wanted to do. I just picture the show like a trilogy. Each season was like one movie, like Lord of the Rings. So my plan is in about five years to do another round and have it really terrible and look like a video game.”

While all the show’s characters hold a special place in at least one person’s heart, this list demonstrates the most beloved characters based on my opinion and the wonderful quips they’ve left us to ponder.

C-Czar
C-Czar is the charming 17-year-old with an infected lip ring, gold and silver teeth, sprinkles of acne, and super pointy side-burns who impregnated Pretty Liz. His catchphrase is “Let them eat cake!” — resulting in cakes being thrown out of moving trains. He loves to point finger guns at people and yell “blah blah blah blah.” His pet peeve is saying “I’m sorry.” Then, there’s this gem:

The Niece Denise B.
She showed up at PubLIZity wearing a bright pink, oversized shirt with her name on it, a mouth full of braces, and her hair tied back with numerous scrunchies. But after her shopping spree with Big Liz, she was quickly abducted by an older male photographer after she asked, “Am I being discovered right now, and if so, can you please take my picture next to a coconut palm tree?” To which he replied, “I can take your picture next to just about anything.”

A European
The European host of the Spotted Ox Hostel ad takes us through the accurate itinerary of the typical European, saying, “Lunch is usually something cool like cigarette, two-three bottle of red wine and then like a bowl of heavy cream.”

Wendy Shawn
Wendy Shawn is the old money component of the Rich Dicks duo. He’s fond of pastels and drugs. When he and new-money friend Aspen Bruckheimer decide to die temporarily, his death went too long. One of his almost last words: “Your going to love dying. It’s hilarious. It’s like Being John Malkovich, but you don’t have to go to Jersey.”

Bryan La Croix
Bryan stars as Mikey, also known as Legs, on the Canadian teen drama Wheels Ontario. He constantly flips his head back to get his bangs out of his face, was mistaken for being gay while testing out college dorm life, and made attempts to lose his virginity to Collette (played by Degrassi alum Lauren Collins). When a classmate asked if he was ready to have sex with Collette, he said, “I went to nurse teacher and put a squid in my exit, so I’m good to go.”

George St. Geegland
George is a dear friend of Gil Faizon, and together, they created the successful prank show Too Much Tuna. On one particular prank, the prankee just didn’t understand why these old New Yorkers had her fly in from England for a fake job interview and a plate full of tuna. Exasperated from explaining the prank, George asks, “Do you have f*cking Memento disease?”

Fabrice Fabrice
It’s a name so nice, you have to say it again. Fabrice Fabrice is known to show off his abs and flaunt his leopard thong straps. He has a penchant for neon and loves large-and-in-charge belt buckles. He is a craft service coordinator, which included a stint on That’s So Raven. He had a show called Crab Cab where passengers would be awarded a crab for answering his questions like, “What was Joey Lawrence’s food of choice at the craft service’s table when he was that kid on Blossom?”

Liz B. (Pretty Liz)
Liz B. stars in PubLIZity with her best friend and co-business owner Liz G. And “when push comes down to it,” she’ll always be there for her. But as it turns out, she can’t function the business without her, as was shown when Big Liz had to run away to be on a show about gold mining to find love and hide her new bangs. But Pretty Liz has been known to save the day with her singing talents and is the loving mother of C-Czar’s child. She does not tolerate drama and yelled at her assistant once, “It’s like middle school stuff, like, such drama, like, I feel like I’m in middle school right now, like, I feel like I’m learning about like ancient Egypt or whatever, I’m like no, I don’t really care about the Pharaohs right now, I’m trying to get a sponsor!”

Liz G. (Big Liz)
Liz G. has a big heart and cares deeply for her publicity company and friend Liz B. She takes risks in her personal and work life. For example, she cut her bangs. She showed bravery when she was duped in a fake marriage. And when she heard that Liz B. was pregnant, she told her, “I’m trying to imagine the different guys who have probably [explicit] on your stomach that you would then scoop that [explicit] into your vagina, like using a piece of paper.”

Bobby Bottleservice
He was born in the Newark Airport. His name derives from the fact that he does Bottleservice. He loves Ciroc, also known as “diddy’s sh*t.” He speaks very much with professionalism. He was on a show called Ghost Bouncers where he fell in love with the spirit of the dead. He later became a member of the Gigolo House and spent a lot of time crying. He loves leather, wearing a bejeweled Jesus cross, and usually something Ed Hardy. He briefly had a wedding planning business, The Bobby Bottleservice Full Service Wedding Service, that also involved him wedding the couple in which he declared, “By the power with this vest on me, shots.”

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