Sofia Vergara and Jim Parsons are the highest paid actress and actor on television, but they’re not TV’s biggest star. That honor undoubtedly belongs to Lady Gaga. Vergara can appear in all the Head & Shoulders ads she wants — the Modern Family star can’t compete with Gaga’s 27 million albums sold, six Grammys, one Golden Globe, and an Oscar nomination. Being TV famous is one thing. Being pop star famous is another beast entirely.
That’s why it was such a big deal when Gaga joined the cast of American Horror Story: Hotel and decided to return for AHS: My Roanoke Nightmare. But wait, where was she during last night’s creepy-but-confusing premiere? The episode focused almost entirely on Sarah Paulson and Cuba Gooding Jr.’s characters (who were also Lily Rabe and Andre Holland’s characters), Kathy Bates, and some Blair Witch twig-people — Gaga was nowhere to be found.
Until the promo for next week’s episode.
Did you see Gaga? Watch again.
There she is. No, not Kathy Bates, behind her. That’s one of the world’s most recognizable famous people, someone who’s reportedly worth $225 million and could spend the rest of her life in a mansion made of gold wearing only the finest meat dresses, looking like a filthy witch who’s addicted to meth (her eyebrow and antler-hat game is strong, though). Gaga has said that her character this season is “in the Earth,” which might explain why the ground appeared to be breathing in last night’s episode. Anyway, no matter how this season of American Horror Story turns out, I hope Kathy Bates is involved with Gaga’s rumored Super Bowl LI halftime show. There’s nothing the average NFL fan likes more than Fried Green Tomatoes-themed choreography.