Five Times Larry David Was The Hero The World Needed

Society has rules and we’re all supposed to follow them, but Larry David isn’t like everybody else. He says what he wants, rules and standards of politeness be damned. It’s stunning, but in confusing times like these, maybe people need someone like Larry to keep everyone in line. To celebrate his return for the ninth season of Curb Your Enthusiasm on October 1, let’s look at some of the most memorable moments when Larry said that which few others would dare to.

“Two Pigs F*cking”

When Larry told his wife that her tennis grunts sounded like “two pigs f*cking” he was helping her realize something that people had probably snickered at for years behind her back. Perhaps his word selection was a little too colorful, but if you’re put in a situation where you need to deliver a hard truth to someone that everyone else has been avoiding, isn’t it best that you do it in a way that’s memorable?

“Vanilla Bullsh*t Latte Thing”

Maybe the artisans behind the counter at the local coffee shop felt deep offense when Larry resisted the societal push to call a coffee-based concoction by its pretentious name, but that kind of thing doesn’t register when you’re a social assassin. And that’s good. People are free to rebrand and call their vanilla-bullsh*t-latte-cappa thing whatever they want, but they oughta know that those efforts often result in an eye roll from people who just want a hot beverage.

“I’m Just Trying To Understand Why”

People who arbitrarily say you can’t use a specific phone or that your fence has to be the same height, color, and molecular identity as your neighbor’s need to be reminded, every once in awhile, that their rules won’t be followed without question, at least when Larry David is around.

“Why Don’t You Get A Sponge?”

When Larry get’s splattered with all manner of food and wine while two very different kinds of survivors ratchet up their argument at a dinner party, another guest cries out that someone should get a sponge. On the surface, it’s a reasonable request, but Larry questions why that same guest can’t get the sponge herself, piercing what was probably a bubble of self- satisfaction that the guest had erected for doing 1/3 of a good thing. More people should be called out when they do the bare minimum, but there’s only one Larry in the world. Always on call to do exactly that.

“I Know A Chat And Cut When I See It”

You shoulda, woulda, coulda told off that woman who tried to use a “chat and cut” to get ahead on a buffet line, that line Larry did it, and, in the process, educated everyone around him to the existence of said line-cutting strategy. He also put the offender on notice that they had better be more stealthy or that they should maybe respect line rule a little more than they do.

Think of how much bad behavior goes on unchecked in this world because people bow down to their natural fear of confrontation. Not when they’re within Larry’s sights, though.