Larry King Is So Old That He Can’t Seem To Remember Which Impossibly Old Method Of Tweeting He Uses

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BREAKING: Larry King is old. OLD. How old is Larry King? Well, allow me to tell you!

Here’s how old Larry King is… not only does Larry King tweet in the oldest way possible — by dictating what he wants to tweet to someone else — but he can’t seem to recall who he dictates them to, or how he dictates them to the people in charge of posting what he dictates as his tweets.

Case in point, this piece from the Washington Post in which Larry says he… wait for it… dictates his tweets to an assistant by calling and leaving his thoughts-to-be-tweeted on their voicemail.

“I Twitter everyday,” he says in his hotel room at the Ritz-Carlton in Washington, where he was staying in advance of a Wednesday night appearance at the Newseum.

When Larry King wants to tweet, he doesn’t log onto the Internet. He pops open the flip phone stored in the shirt pocket between his suspender straps and calls the number for a voicemail set up specifically for this purpose. Then he dictates a thought that will be picked up by an assistant and transcribed onto his @KingsThings Twitter account. And nearly 2.6 million followers are there to receive it.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the part about Larry using a flip phone that he stores in his shirt pocket between his suspender straps to call in his thoughts-to-be-tweeted. That’s important. Just adds to the old in a very “you can’t make this sh*t up” kind of way.

ANYWAY, in an interview last month with Esquire, Larry detailed how he tweets to the magazine, but the story went a little differently.

Life is funny, sex is funny, marriage is funny, eating is funny, sports can be funny, everything is funny. Homes, horses, real estate. Everything is funny. People who are funny are funny. If you know you’re funny you’re funny. My Twitter, actually, is interesting. Jerry Seinfeld said that I invented Twitter when I wrote my old column back in USA Today, which I did for 20 years. I’d do a column called “It’s My Two Cents” in which I would just write stream-of-consciousness. And I’ve been doing that for the past month or month and a half on Twitter every Sunday night. I don’t type them out, I dictate them, and my wife sends them out. All of “My Two Cents” are one-sentence, there’s never two sentences. They’re just off the top. I don’t know where they come from, but we sit down on Sunday night and I’ll just say, “I like my coffee with extra sugar.”

So, now we have two different, but very old and very Larry, methods in which Larry has told reporters how he tweets. WHICH IS IT, LARRY?! My guess is probably a combination of both: Larry dictates his tweets to his wife, who them calls them in to the assistant’s voicemail. So Hollywood. So Larry.

We love you, Larry. Don’t ever change.