Look Out, Laura!

07.09.10 7 Comments

The Internet is aflutter with the breaking news that Jaleel White is being investigated for battering the mother of his children, with whom he is currently in the middle of a custody dispute.  Cover your ass with the word “alleged,” TMZ:

Sources familiar with the police report tell us … the alleged victim claims White allegedly punched her in one of her breast implants [Ed – dramatic reenactment here, at 1:35] while they were driving on Pacific Coast Highway two weeks ago, with an infant in the car.  We’re told, she claims when they got home White allegedly slapped her, and pushed her into a toilet so hard it broke the tank.

Wow.  There’s a lot going on in those two sentences.  Punching in the breast implant… while driving… with a baby in the car… before pushing her into a toilet so hard it broke.  I believe in the California Penal Code that’s referred to as a first-degree Charlie Sheen.  Although, a good attorney may be to knock it down to a plea of involuntary Kiefer Sutherland.

Look, domestic abuse is nothing to laugh at.  And if he did it (which his camp is denying), he should face the consequences.  Wait a second.  Did I just reference “Jaleel White’s camp”?  How low on the Hollywood totem pole do you have to be in the camp of a guy whose sole claim to fame was wearing a funny outfit and snorting fifteen years ago.  Jeez, and I thought Jaleel White’s career was in dire straights.

Anyway, domestic abuse is seriously uncool.  Definitely not something Stefan Urquelle would have done.  He should never have changed back.

Thanks to Vince at Film Drunk for the tip.

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