The 12 Years a Slave and Star Wars: The Force Awakens star is on this week’s Billy on the Street, where she plays a special lightning round of “Lupita Nyong’o: Bring the Pain.” The premise is simple: host Billy Eichner makes Nyong’o read stand-up jokes and rants written by the likes of Andrew Dice Clay and Daniel Tosh, and she tries to make random, confused New Yorkers laugh. “You look like the type of guy who will go into a petting zoo at two o’clock in the morning,” she says, quoting Saget. “Never f*ck a goat. I don’t know you, but I’m telling you, never f*ck a goat. Don’t f*ck a goat. Do you hear me, son? Want to know why? Because a goat will eat a tin can. They’ll eat f*cking junk and they will eat your junk right off and you will be junkless and you will have nothing.” (I think that’s from a late episode of Full House.)
How about some fecal material from Louis C.K.? Everyone knows poop is hilarious. “I love to sh*t. It’s my favorite thing. I don’t know why they call it Number Two. I think it’s easily the best one. In my book, it’s Number One.”
Maybe she’ll have better luck with this classic, um, “joke” from the Dice Man? “Three blind mice, see how they run. Where the f*ck are they going?”
Finally, a reaction: “That’s not funny.” And later: “I don’t give a sh*t.”
What’s an Oscar winner gotta do to make it in comedy?