Meet the Crotch-Rubbing, Fat People-Hating ‘Neighbor from Hell’

By Friday at 4 p.m., which is what time this post went live (unless you’re on the West Coast, in which case it’s 1 p.m. and HAHAHA), you’ve likely mentally checked out. TGIF, Urkel, etc. Same here. So, I COULD write about Oxygen’s “Teen Weddings” or Matthew Perry joining the cast of “The Good Wife,” but I COULD do a lot of things, like write a movie about World War II told from the perspective of a magic cow called World War Moo (directed by Señor Spielbergo). So instead of anything “real,” let’s discuss The Neighbor from Hell.

Per Fox 9 News in White Bear Lake, Minnesota (lol):

The Hoffmans say they [have begun] videotaping the bizarre signs Christiansen puts on her garage at the direction of police, like the one that says the guilty talk the loudest, or “I saw mommy kissing a breathalyzer,” an apparent reference to the fact that Kimberly Hoffman is a recovering alcoholic.

“She also seems to have an issue with fat people,” Hoffman said.

The Hoffman’s say one of the worst moments happened while their 12-year-old son was having a birthday party.

“She started lifting her skirt, rubbing her crotch,” Hoffman recalled.

Oh man, been THERE. The news report below gets really awkward really quickly when the anchor tries to chat with the supposed Crotch Rubber. She films their conversation and inaudibly yells something, and the scene changes. Then the reporter tells us that he discontinued the interview because he didn’t want to end up trapped in a basement dry well. It rubs the crotch in its skirt, it rubs the crotch in its skirt…Oh man, been THERE.

White Bear Lake’s Neighbor From Hell:

(Via Fark)