Potentially putting to bed the age-old question “Okay, but what if legendary illusionist Harry Houdini partnered with an unusually gifted female detective in the fast-paced modern-day world to solve the cases that baffled the LAPD?,” ABC is currently developing a show called Houdini, which will be a drama that “follows legendary illusionist Harry Houdini when he partners with an unusually gifted female detective to solve the cases that baffle the LAPD in what is described as a fast-paced modern-day procedural.” Or, to put a finer point on things, Houdini is a cop now, basically. Please make a note.
Actually, please add that note to the document you have titled Famous Historical Figures Who Are Cops Now, right under Thomas Edison and Alice from Alice in Wonderland, because, if you remember, they are cops now, too. Here’s what I said about this everyone-is-a-cop-now development last time.
Can I be honest with you guys? I love this trend. I vote we go back and make all sorts of historical figures police officers. Real, fictional, whatever. The important thing is this: Everyone is a cop. George Washington? Cop. Jay Gatsby? Cop. The Wright Brothers? Cops. Moby Dick? Whale Cop. Wilt Chamberlain? Cop. Marie Antoinette? Cop. Columbo? Double Cop. Give them all a badge and a gun and full season pickup. Hell, let’s make people on existing non-crime-related shows cops, too. Wouldn’t Modern Family be more interesting if the oldest daughter was actually an undercover cop? OF COURSE IT WOULD. Boom, she’s a cop. Ron Swanson? Cop. The entire cast and crew of Happy Endings, including the cameramen and crafts services workers? ALL COPS. THE GRAND CANYON, TOO. THE GRAND CANYON IS A COP NOW. EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING IS A COP. I AM A COP. THE VOICES IN MY HEAD ARE COPS. THIS GUY I AM YELLING AT ON THE STREET IS A COP. THESE COPS COMING TO TAKE ME AWAY ARE COPS. THIS POLICE CAR IS A COP. THIS COURT APPOINTED PSYCHIATRIST IS A COP. COP COP COP COP.
I can’t believe they went with Harry Houdini over Moby Dick: Whale Cop. It practically writes itself.
Moby Dick: What’s your name, punk?
Perp: I guess you can just call me Ishmael.
Moby Dick: [slams desk with flipper] DAMMIT. THERE ISN’T ANY TIME FOR THESE GAMES. I KNOW THERE’S A BOMB SOMEWHERE IN THE SEWERS UNDER CITY HALL! TELL ME WHERE IT IS!
Perp: One word, two syllables: Law-yer.
Moby Dick: GOD DAMMIT. [shoots steam out blow hole, charges out of room, dives into sewer to search for bomb]