‘Modern Family’-Gate: Day I Don’t Know, Like, Three?

As we discussed on Tuesday, the cast of Modern Family is not very happy right now. They want substantial raises that will place them in the same category as the actors on other highly rated sitcoms (like Big Bang Theory), and after the negotiations broke down, all the adults on the show except Ed O’Neill skipped a table read and filed a lawsuit. I’m not privy to all the inside info, but if I had to guess, I’d say Claire was probably all “We don’t have to take this. We’re not going to the table read, and we are going to meet with a lawyer. Right, Phil?,” and then Phil was like “Er, uh, I kinda like table reads,” and Cam and Mitchell were all “Yeah, we’re sure it’ll all work out. Just settle down,” and Gloria was like “AY. JAY. HOW DO I WORK THEES TEE VEE?,” and Jay was all “I’m not getting mixed up in this, I’m going golfing with the guys,” but Claire got that scary look in her eye and started shouting so everyone did what she said even though they all knew it was pretty crazy and extreme.

Well apparently we’re back from the second commercial break now, because the cast has agreed to show up at a rescheduled table read as a good faith gesture to re-open the negotiations (which had been halted after the legal action). I bet it was because the middle daughter — you know, the one with the glasses — was all “I’m having a crisis at school about math or something that kind of parallels what you are going through so maybe take a step back and think about that,” and the older daughter was like “Ugh, BOYS,” and then Manny and Luke built a Go Kart or whatever and everyone realized Claire was being a total psychopath and when they came back for the little tag at the end Phil walked out of the table read and into the parking lot and it turned out he had driven Manny and Luke’s Go Kart there.

The End.