The Osirian Portal goes viral. If you watch CHIKARA pro wrestling, you know that stuff like this (and much funnier, less fat-looking stuff like this) happens all the time. If you don’t, head on over to YouTube and angrily argue about how you hate wrestling because it’s fake and they’re trying to trick you! You used to like it! It used to be believable! People need to know that! [YouTube]
The Puppy Lingerie Bowl. Combining two of my favorite things: baby dogs and complicated underwear. Slightly more athletic than the actual Lingerie Bowl. [TBS]
The hardest Super Bowl hot wing recipe ever forged. Turn all your macho sports friends vegan with a wing recipe from “Top Chef” that takes seven days and produces one-and-one-half tiny ass horrible tasting wing! [Best Week Ever]
Remember the Chocolate Rain Dr. Pepper commercial? No? Double Rainbow Guy stars in a New Zealand ad for “Vodaphone Supa Prepay,” whatever that is. [PopWatch]
The real life Buster Sword is not the legendary weapon you’d expect. Wake me up when somebody creates the real life Pile Banger. [Unreality]
Fab friends fail at cheerleader fall. “Don’t be a puthy!!” All I can think while watching this is IT’S THE ORIGINAL GANGSTA NEW JACK. HE MADE GOOD ON HIS WORD. HE IS HERE. [With Leather]
Kobe Bryan unveils the trailer for The Black Mamba, directed by Robert Rodriguez. Yeah, Kobe, Danny Trejo is great and all, but it’s still not cool for you to give yourself a nickname. I should’ve been motherf**king Black Mamba. [Smoking Section]
NASA discovers a bunch of planets orbiting a single star. This is going to give us tons of new material the next time film execs want to market crappy sci-fi to people who alternately believe everything/nothing on the Internet. [Gamma Squad]
[Header photo credit to Zia Hiltey]
