Access Hollywood (via everywhere) recently released this pre-interview footage from January in which Kate Gosselin of “Jon and Kate + 8” shows off parenting skills only slightly more caring than the hamsters that eat their babies. Eight-year-old twin Mady — no doubt tired from getting shuttled around to TV interviews so your parents can increase their fame and wealth — was thirsty and sitting next to her mother, and she asked Kate for a drink. And what happens next isn’t even remotely believable, so I’m going to give you the transcript without commentary:
Mady: I just want a drink. I haven’t had a drink all day. I want a drink, I’m going to get dehydrated.
Kate (cutting her off): Alexis, that’s adorable.
Mady: Mom, I’m gonna get dehydrated.
Kate: Yes, me too.
Mady: (begins to slump down)
Kate: That’s true. Could I — could I have a bottle? Is there time to throw a bottle of water at me? (someone hands her a bottle of water) Thank you. Okay, all right. Got it. (takes long drink of water, puts bottle away) After this, Judy will somehow manage to get drinks in here for you.
Mady: I need a drink NOW.
Kate (to another child): Hey, sit down please. Sit down, we’re interviewing.
Mady: You’re really, really mean.
Kate: Be quiet.
Mady: You drank it right in front of my face.
Kate: Here. (reaches for water, then puts it away again) We can’t right now, we’re going on.
I don’t usually like to play the role of Christian fundamentalist, but you know how Jon and Kate needed fertility drugs to have children? That was God trying to keep Kate from reproducing.