Nick Offerman Was Reduced To A ‘Quivering Puddle Of A Man’ While Saying Goodbye To Conan’s Show

The final days of any long-running talk show are always an A-list affair (unless we’re talking about The Chevy Chase Show), as Conan O’Brien’s recent lineup of guests has proved. On Wednesday night, he got a last-minute and rather unexpected visit from the always-entertaining Nick Offerman, who apparently contacted Conan’s producers himself to ask if he could come and say goodbye to the host in person. Of course, they obliged.

After telling Conan that he “would like to sincerely congratulate you on an amazing 28 years,” Offerman—in true Offerman style—spent the next several minutes delivering what essentially amounted to a piece of fabulous performance art.

A totally stone-faced Offerman delivered several moments of awkward silences and long, unblinking glances directly into the camera. But the stoicism of his appearance stood in direct contrast to the words he said, as he apologized for losing his “composure.”

“I’m sorry, gentleman, that you have to see me like this. This lack of physical control and hysterical display is nothing short of an embarrassment… I’ll be honest, I thought I’d be able to hold back these tears, but instead what you see before you is a quivering puddle of a man. A duckling torn from the feathery bosom of its mother duck. I stand here naked and ashamed. A bald discredit to the Offerman name… Clips of this blubbering spectacle will surely go viral and haunt me, Michael Jordan-like, on the world wide web forever.”

You can watch the full clip of Offerman’s “high-pitched caterwauling and decadent simpering” that will bring the Parks and Recreation star “nothing but infinite shame” below.