NOPE NOPE NOPE: These ‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’ Scary Clown Teasers Are F*cking Terrifying

Remember how I’ve been bitching that the teasers for this year’s American Horror Story: Freak Show have been pretty tame by AHS standards and not really creepy at all? HA HA HA HA HA. Well, Ryan Murphy must have heard my grievances and like a demented gay Santa Claus, has released this new crop of teasers for a terrible Christmas. I mean, being the fact that this season is centered around a freak show and we already know the antagonist is going to be “the most terrifying clown ever,” it was only a matter of time before sh*t got real — and I think Ryan Murphy was actually just lulling us into a sense of false complacency with that first round. Feast your eyes on “Twisted Smile”:

So that was pretty creepy, huh? Yeah? You think so? Well, it’s got nothing on this second one, which makes Tim Curry in It look like Uncle Grandpa from the Cartoon Network:

Once you’ve finished wetting yourself and come back out from under the bed, there’s one more, which is thankfully not terrifying. I’ve got a friend who is a sword swallower and I’ve even seen her do it in person before, so for me at least, this one is NBD.

Scary clowns, three boobs. See you on October 8th.