UPROXX 20: Ralphie May Doesn’t Give A Sh*t About Your Favorite Craft Beer

Ralphie May is a comedian perhaps best known for being the runner-up in the first season of Last Comic Standing and for his four Comedy Central stand-up specials. May, who grew up in Arkansas, got his start in comedy when he won a contest at age 17 to open for Sam Kinison. He is currently touring the U.S. and his brand new stand-up comedy special, Unruly, will begin streaming today — Friday, February 27 — exclusively on Netflix. In the special, filmed at the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre in Atlanta, May riffs on airline travel, Anderson Cooper and Chick-fil-A, among other things. He also co-hosts a podcast with his wife, Lahna Turner.

Ralphie was nice enough to take a few minutes out of his busy schedule recently to answer a few questions from us.

1. You walk into a bar. What do you order from the bartender?

Fireball, Budweiser. F*ck craft beers.

2. Who’s your favorite person to follow on Twitter?

Either Stevie Wonder, because it’s gibberish and it cracks me up, or the Iron Sheik.

3. What’s currently waiting for you on your DVR/TiVO?

Walking Dead. Can’t wait for the new House of Cards.

4. It’s your last meal — what are you going out with?

Really good sushi. O Toro.

5. What websites do you visit on a regular basis?

YouPorn. Yahoo.

6. What’s the most frequently played song on your mobile device?

“Mind Playing Tricks On Me” by The Geto Boys.

7. The first face that comes to mind when you think “punchable”?

Ted Cruz. What an as$hole half-a-fag that guy is.

8. What’s the last thing you Googled?

“JK Simmons Twitter.”

9. Dogs or cats?

Dogs. F*ck cats. Cats are the French of the animal kingdom.

10. Best concert of your life was…?

Either Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, last year, or the Rolling Stones, last tour at Staples Center.

11. What book are you most likely to give as a gift?

A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving.

12. What’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?

If a rich guy gives you a $10,000 watch, it’s not as it seems. If a poor guy buys you dinner, that’s everything to him. It’s all relative. All I want is friendship and loyalty.

13. South Park or Family Guy?

South Park. Family Guy‘s too derivative of the Simpsons.

14. You have an entire day to do whatever you want. What would you do?

Depends on where I am. Hanging out with my kids. Or riding a Galapagos tortoise.

15. What movie can you not resist watching if it’s on?

Godfather I and II. Skip III.

16. The sports team or teams you’re most passionate about?

Arkansas Razorbacks.

17. Where did you eat the best meal of your life?

Between my wife’s thighs.

18. The last movie you saw in a theater?

American Sniper.

19. Who was your first celebrity crush?

Farah Fawcett or Daisy from Dukes of Hazard. Or Diana Ross.

20. What would you cook if Nic Cage was coming to your house for dinner?

Well, I wouldn’t get out the good wine. Grilled cheese and tomato soup. Nic, hey, it’s over. Enough with the doll hair. That’s a wrap, jack. No more movies named Paycheck or IRS. Now finish your soup and let’s get through this sh*t.

Below is the trailer for May’s new special, which you can watch here.


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