A big part of New Girl‘s success falls on the shoulders of all of its Los Angeles loft-mates, including Jessica, Nick, Winston, Coach and Cece (who might as well be a roommate at this point). But the most consistent standout throughout the show’s run has been Max Greenfield as Schmidt, the “chut-uh-ney” loving, pine furniture hating douchebag.
Schmidt clearly suffers from an overinflated ego after shedding about 100 pounds since college and adding a couple zeroes to his salary. But he has a good heart, so it’s tolerable most of the time. And whenever it isn’t, he puts $20 straight into the douchebag jar. But Schmidt wouldn’t be who he is if he wasn’t full of hubris.
Look to these Schmidt quotes the next time you need a little extra confidence in yourself. Just be sure to cut back on the Irish walking capes and kimonos.
“This is LL S. Ladies Love Schmidt.”
LL Cool J will surely go down as one of the most confident musicians to ever exist. Schmidt was likely one of the many young fans who turned into what he thought was the coolest version of himself whenever Radio was playing, but you’re supposed to grow out of that nonstop lip-licking phase.
“Schmidt happens. *slap* Thumb ring, b*tch! You’ve got some Schmidt on your face.”
Your confidence is at its ultimate peak when you not only refer to yourself in the third-person, but use your name as a part of a catchphrase. It only took two episodes of New Girl before “Schmidt happens!”
Note: Thumb rings are usually reserved for pimps and fortune tellers. Schmidt is neither, no matter how much he wants to think he is.
“Parkour!”
Parkour flips should be standard celebration procedure whenever someone does the one thing they never thought possible and they feel like the emperor of the world.
“You? I will never give up!”
Cutting your losses is a hard thing to do. Which is why the more commonly used approach is to find a goal and follow through until you get it, no matter how incredibly unlikely it seems. For Schmidt, that goal was to win the heart of Jess’ best friend Cece. And he took every possible opportunity to let her know. Never be afraid to let the people in your life know that you will fight for them.
“Can we just take a moment to celebrate me? Schmidtty really did it this time.”
We’re all capable of doing great things. Sometimes, you just need to walk into a room, interrupt everyone’s conversations and tell them that you did something worthy of their celebration. Success is contagious. How else is it supposed to spread?
“You got this, dawg! Look at you, dawg! Look at you! Look at your face!”
This quote should be a part of your daily routine moving forward. Make it a mantra. And do not leave out the exaggerated Xzibit-like “dawg.” It’s super important and the mantra only works if you use it.
“I’m 29, folks! What’s up? Twenty-NINE!”
As you get older, it’s perfectly natural to get a little insecure as you slowly venture out of the highly coveted 18-34 age demographic. But that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Really, it happens to everybody. From now on, at midnight on every birthday, you should shout your new age to the mountaintops with this same exact voice inflection to show the world how proud you are of you. It’ll take some sting out of the reality of the moment.
“I will freak out so hard on you right now, you don’t even know… on your face!”
The only other place besides the bedroom where confidence is key (remember, always strive to be a sexual snowflake) would have to be during a good round of fisticuffs. Chances are, if you go in thinking you’ll end up on your back, you likely will. I mean, chances are that you will anyway. But, if you’re lucky, your words will be triple-coated in so much ego that the other person will back down before you even start.
