A mere three weeks after celebrating our independence from the British, American will face its greatest threat yet: shark tornadoes, but also ham balls Tara Reid and David Hasselhoff attempting to out-act each other. Syfy announced today that the third installment in The Godfather of murderous fish series will premiere on July 22 and be called Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! because we’re all the token black friend in a late-90s teen rom-com.
Sharknado 3 stars Ian Ziering as Fin, Tara Reid as April and Cassie Scerbo as Nova. Newcomers include David Hasselhoff as Fin’s father, Gil; Bo Derek as April’s mother, May; Ryan Newman as April and Fin’s daughter, Claudia Shepard, and Jack Griffo as Claudia’s friend, Billy. The movie will kick off in Washington, D.C. before heading down to Florida.
Additional cameos include Mark Cuban as the President of the United States; Ann Coulter as the Vice President; Michele Bachmann as herself; Jerry Springer as Mr. White, a manic tourist; Washington Redskins tackle Tom Compton as a reporter; *NSYNC singer Chris Kirkpatrick as a pool lifeguard, and the WWE’s Chris Jericho, who will portray Bruce the roller coaster ride operator. (Via)
That block quote should be in every story. “Tragedy in Jerusalem today, where a suicide bomber killed 15 civilians. Meanwhile, *NSYNC singer Chris Kirkpatrick as a pool lifeguard.”