‘Sharknado 3’ Will Rain Chompy Terror On ‘The Feast Coast’ From D.C. To Orlando

The first two films in the Sharknado franchise sent thousands of angry, occasionally flaming sharks screaming through the atmosphere to rain destruction on our nation’s two most notable metropolitan areas (Los Angeles and New York, respectively). The rumor a few months back was that Washington D.C. would be next up on the hit list, and at a press event earlier today, the network’s president more or less confirmed it with one teensy weensy clarification: instead of focusing on one city, the third film will see a shark-filled tornado — or multiple shark-filled tornados — strike a huge chunk of “the Feast Coast,” from the aforementioned D.C. all the way down to Orlando. So if you’ve ever wanted to see a shark eat a sitting United States congressman AND a slightly-altered-please-don’t-sue-us version of Mickey Mouse, this is apparently the film for you. Huzzah.

There are, of course, many questions that flow from this news, but I think the two most pressing ones are as follows: First, when and how are they planning to do one in noted inland desert city Las Vegas, Nevada? Because that needs to happen as soon as possible, even if it means scrapping this “Feast Coast” idea and starting immediately. I don’t care how the sharks get from the ocean to Las Vegas. Put them on a bus from San Diego if you have to. This is important, so figure it out.

Second, what are the rules with continuity here? Does Tara Reid still have a buzzsaw for a hand? Tell me Tara Reid still has a buzzsaw for a hand. I want this thing to open with her trying to buy groceries and leaving a trail of mangled produce and cereal boxes in her wake as she tries to adjust to her new destructive appendage. Give me this. I’m begging you.

Source: IGN