Ahhhh, nothing makes me feel like intellectual pursuits are a complete waste quite like Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi speaking straight from the heart. This time, the New York Times bestselling author sat down with GQ and shared her views about reading, politics, how she’d change “Jersey Shore,” and absolutely nothing that will make you feel good about the state of the nation. Choice excerpts:
GQ: So, I’ve got to ask: You’ve really never heard of J.K. Rowling or Maya Angelou?
Snooki: I don’t read. I don’t like to read Harry Potter or anything like that. It’s not my style.
GQ: But you’re a New York Times best-selling author!
Snooki: Yeah, doesn’t mean I have to read.
GQ: Fair point. What is your favorite book?
Snooki: Dear John. I read that in a day because it was so amazing. And then I ended up seeing the movie and it was really good. [SERIOUSLY? -Ed.] We were supposed to read in high school but I never did because I just used the CliffsNotes, books were too long.
*rubs temples* I… I don’t even want to process everything I just read there. Let’s just move on to how smart Snooki thinks she is:
GQ: What do you think people’s perception is of you guys?
Snooki: They just think that we’re stupid, that we have no education, and all we do is drink, have sex.
GQ: Do you want to change that?
Snooki: Oh, I would love to. I have an education, I went to college, you know?
Went. Not finished. Not graduated. Went.
GQ: What was your major?
Snooki: Veterinarian tech. Test me and bring me to a hospital. I can induce an animal, do surgery, do anesthesia, and take blood. So if you want to tell me I’m stupid again, let’s go to an animal hospital.
If I hand you a book at the animal hospital, can I still call you stupid?
GQ: What’s an animal that you’ve worked with before?
Snooki: I did dogs and cats. I’ve actually worked with ducks, drew blood from a horse, and stuck my hand in a cow’s ass.
That’s the least surprising — and possibly least depressing — statement in this entire interview.