Snooki’s Novel Is Powerful Stuff

01.03.11 7 years ago 17 Comments

Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi’s first novel, A Shore Thing, hits the stands tomorrow. (I’m sure it was penned completely by her, with no work from a ghostwriter whatsoever.) It tells the story of a plucky young Guidette named Gia, who has a lot in common with Snooki. Some excerpts from the NY Post (via Gawker):

* “He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face.”

* “Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla.”

I’m not a book critic, but even I can see that the simple, direct prose is influenced by Hemingway. I mean, obviously.

* “Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a ‘roid rage, it is a ‘road’ ‘roid rage.”

* “Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”

* “Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn’t nearly as gritty and disgusting as she’d seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank — on a weekday afternoon — was as clean and quiet as a church.”

An odd metaphor, seeing as how “Gia” has never been in a church before, either.

Anyway, while we’re on the subject of Snooki, here’s the opening sketch she did with SNL’s Bobby Moynihan for MTV’s New Year’s Eve show:

Even though I said I don’t like it when an “SNL” character meets the real person, I have to admit, this made me laugh. I guess I’m just easy, like your sister.

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