Sofia Vergara Wishes She Had Fake Boobs

2015 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Graydon Carter - Arrivals
Getty Image

The May issue of Vanity Fair comes out today, which features Sofia Vergara on the cover, photographed by Annie Leibovitz. In an excerpt released online, the fiancee of Joe Manganiello explains that while she’s known for her voluptuous figure, her boobs have always been as much of a curse as a blessing.

“My boobs are, like, huge.” She gives a representation of said hugeness with her hands. “My whole life, buying a bra was a nightmare. What I used to do when I moved to L.A., I found places like Frederick’s of Hollywood that make bras for [strippers].”

She adds, “Believe me, I wish I had fake boobs. I lay down and they completely go down like all the way, like here.” Another representation with her hands. “It’s not fun.”

As a fellow err, well-endowed woman, I understand this problem, but I refuse to believe that Vergara’s boobs still don’t look amazing, even lying down. She also went into some detail about how her figure is not always a field day to dress:

“Sometimes you read in the press like, oh, Sofía is wearing again the same shape dress, and I want to answer them and say, What the f*ck do you want me to wear? Obviously there’s a reason why that’s what I go for.”

YEAH. What the f*ck do you want Sofia Vergara to wear? A DAMN BURLAP SACK? Let’s be honest, she could probably pull that off, too. I’m starting to think her problems aren’t the most serious problems in the world.