Soul Patrol! Taylor Hicks’s Cruise Ship Busted in Drug Raid

Taylor Hicks, the gray-haired spaz who is almost but not quite forgotten as a past winner of “American Idol,” was scheduled to perform on the worst cruise of all time, but federal officials made a huge drug raid on the boat while it was still docked.

The Jam Cruise, an annual six-day festival aboard the 2,550-passenger MSC Poesia, is one of several similarly themed cruises that promise a Bonnaroo-on-the-ocean kind of experience [but with worse music -Ed.]. This year, it showcased performances by the Grateful Dead’s Bob Weir, Robert Randolph, Galactic, Taylor Hicks of ‘American Idol’ fame and funk saxophonist Maceo Parker.

But before any musician picked up an instrument, the ship, docked in Florida and headed for the western Caribbean, was raided by multiple federal agencies and the local sheriff’s department, the Orlando Sun reports. The Jan. 4 raid turned up 15 seizures of illegal drugs, including Ecstasy, LSD, mushrooms and marijuana. The drugs were mostly discovered in small quantities, according to a US Customs and Border Protection spokesperson. [Spinner via The Frisky]

Ha ha, suck it, hippies! The only way this could have been better is if the ship sank and all the hippies drowned. I mean, it would be too bad about Robert Randolph, I guess. And the crew. But sacrifices have to be made for the betterment of our planet.