Stephen Colbert isn’t a doctor, nor does he play one on TV. But he does possess an important reasoning device known as “logic,” which he believes could be the key to fighting off the scourge of a recently identified (but certainly not new) condition that is currently afflicting millions of Americans: Foxitis.
Also known as “Foxmania,” Foxitis is a new—and very much made-up—“condition” that was recently invented by Joseph Hawley, a lawyer for Anthony Antonio, a Capitol rioter who has been charged with five federal crimes, including disorderly conduct and destruction of government property.
While appearing in front of a Washington, D.C. magistrate during a Zoom hearing, Hawley told the judge that his client was under the influence of Fox News when he decided to storm the Capitol. But Colbert believes he has found a cure—and it’s just one simple click away: The “Off” button.
That’s right, folks. If you believe you’re being unduly influenced by a manipulative cable network that has a very specific (and often dangerous) political agenda, as Antonio now does, you can simply—get this!—turn off your television. Alternative methods include changing the channel or simply hitting the Mute button.
Not sure if what you have it considered Foxitis? Colbert listed some of the painful-sounding symptoms, including Ingraham Toenail, Blood in your Doocy, Kayleigh Mcanalcyst, Jeanine Pirrohoids, Tucker Carcinoma, and Seanital Warts. Ouch!
The cure seems to have worked for Antonio. On Monday night, he spoke with Chris Cuomo on Prime Time and explained that he has since seen the error of his ways, telling the CNN host:
“As of right now, I acknowledge, I know that Joe Biden is our President. That’s not a mystery; that’s a fact. But, I felt like, maybe I believed that America was being robbed of a president. And I now know that that was a lie.”
A giant Kayleigh Mcanalcyst will do that to you.
You can watch the full clip above.