In what is obviously the biggest news story of the week, the Washington Post reported on Thursday that Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner refused to let their Secret Service detail use any of the half-dozen toilets in the couple’s house. Because if there’s one group of people I want to piss off (pun intended?), it’s the men and women who are literally protecting my life. “It’s the first time I ever heard of a Secret Service detail having to go to these extremes to find a bathroom,” a law enforcement official told the Post, referring to the agents previously having to use a garage bathroom nearby at — as if this story wasn’t incredible enough already — Barack and Michelle Obama’s house.
“For those of you who think you couldn’t dislike Jared and Ivanka more, we have an important update,” Stephen Colbert said during yesterday’s episode of The Late Show, recounting the details of the toilet controversy (two words that should never appear in the same sentence). “Although I do understand the Kushners’ toilets might be very busy right now with Jared and Ivanka flushing their social lives and political futures down them.” Colbert was particularly delighted by the agents being banned from the Obama’s bathroom after a Secret Service supervisor from the Trump/Kushner detail left an “unpleasant mess” at some point in 2017,” joking, “You messed up Barack Obama’s bathroom?! Come on, the man is retired! He’s literally too old for this sh*t!”
The Late Show host admits that he was “not a fan of this couple before, but it seems particularly douchey of Jared and Ivanka not to let Secret Service in their bathrooms. I’m just saying, these are men and women who literally would take a bullet for you. The least you can do is let them take a leak.” You can watch the clip above.