On Tuesday night, Stephen Colbert had some exciting news to share about the Capitol riot investigation: “We may finally learn what we already all know happened, because yesterday Speaker Nancy Pelosi introduced a bill that will ‘create a select committee to probe the January 6 attack on the Capitol.’”
It’s worth noting that Pelosi’s announcement was delivered exactly one month after Senate Republicans blocked a previous effort to establish an independent, bipartisan commission to investigate the riots—a move that had Colbert saying, “What a surprise! Asking Republicans to investigate the Capitol riot is like my favorite book in middle school: Nancy Drew and the Case of Nancy Drew Murdered Somebody.”
If an investigation is to move ahead, however, the GOP wants to make sure they’ve got their say in how it proceeds. While Pelosi will select eight members of the commission, five would be chosen “after consultation with” House Minority leader Kevin McCarthy. Which is where the real fun begins, according to Colbert:
“Insiders say McCarthy is likely to suggest loyal MAGA-heads to gum up the works of the investigation and the crème de la crazy are already volunteering for the job, like Georgia Representative and woman in The Matrix who took all the pills Marjorie Taylor Greene, who has been ‘publicly pushing to be seated on the panel.’ I for one can’t wait until she offers up her theory that the halls of Congress were actually soiled by Jewish poop lasers!”
Florida Representative and Jimmy Douchetron Matt Gaetz also openly expressed his interest. As usual, he showed his interest by offering to give the commission a ride home from band practice.”
Just what every serious probe needs: A certifiably insane conspiracy theorist and a man under investigation for sex trafficking.
You can watch the full clip above, which starts around the 4-minute mark.
