TV

The ‘Succession’ Seven: A ‘Blood Sacrifice’ Is Coming

The Succession Seven is a weekly power ranking of people and things on television’s most power-obsessed show. The rankings are not scientific, not even a little, and could fluctuate wildly from week to week. It’s all very subjective. And it’s my list. So, there.

UNRANKED

Tom — Tom was compared to a block of feta cheese after his bumbling fiasco of a Senate hearing but I think the better food analogy is a pork chop that has been burned to an inedible crisp on the outside while remaining completely uncooked and bacteria-ridden in the center. That just feels closer, spiritually, to a senator blowing up screenshots of your emails and displaying them to America while you’re under oath. You can’t make a Tomlette without breaking a few Gregs, sure, but maybe you should just get pancakes instead. Words to live by.

Various fictional senators — Senator Gil got most of the glamour and screentime but please do not overlook Senator Lapdog Roberts, who appeared to be one or two sentences away from going full Champ Kind and suggesting he and the Roys get an apartment together when the testimony is over.

Dave the Security Guy — Taken away by an “anti-corruption” unit and never seen again. Not a great week for Dave!

Gerri — Gerri is still the best. Everyone loves Gerri. She got the M the hostage-time game of MFK, which is nice, I guess? I don’t know. She didn’t get killed in the testimony either. Sometimes sliding under the radar is the best-case scenario.

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