One of the more exciting upcoming television projects is The Strain, FX’s new summer vampire infestation series from Guillermo del Toro and former Lost executive producer Carlton Cuse. All we’ve seen from it so far is five short, creepy teasers (including one that was just released today), which we will discuss in more detail momentarily, as you probably guessed from the headline. But first, a little background on the show, which is based on a series of books written by del Toro and Chuck Hogan. So, spoilers, I guess, kind of.
In the opening book of the series, the 2009 The Strain, a Boeing 777 lands at JFK with no communication or signs of life. Eph Goodweather, who investigates biological threats for the CDC, is called in and discovers all the passengers dead, and signs that a strange being had been aboard the vessel. Soon, he teams with ex-professor and Holocaust survivor Abraham Setrakian and they assemble a ragtag group that represents mankind’s only hope when a swarm of vampires quickly turn civilization into a buffet spread. Fittingly for male-driven FX, unlike the traditional, romanticized portrayals of vampires as tuxedo-clad studs, The Strain‘s bloodsuckers have no seductive powers — they are parasites, husks of their former human form with stingers that drain blood for nourishment, while spreading capillary worms that convert victims into more vampires under the control of The Master. [Deadline]
Fair enough. I will now rank the five teasers that have been released from least to most creepy.
This one probably seems pretty creepy to you at first because there’s an eclipse and then all the power in the city goes out and the words “HE IS HERE” flash on the screen in weird fiery letters, but I think maybe you are all overlooking (a) the fact that sometimes when you lose power you and your friends can use it as an excuse to play cards and get really drunk by candlelight (LIKE BENJAMIN FRANKLIN!), and (b) the fact that maybe the “HE” they’re referring to is actually the Chinese food delivery guy with your shrimp lo mein. Too early to rule it out. That’s all I’m saying.
“Hey, quit fooling Trevor! Get outta that bag! You’re gonna make us late! Again! You know what? Fine. You stay in that stupid bag and pretend to be a corpse if you want, but I’m telling you, scaring Mary Ellen VanLandingham half to death is NOT the way to get her to go out with you! Just buy her flowers or something! JESUS!”
See? Not creepy.
This one is a little more creepy, but maybe this guy with the cane is just a former candy company executive who is suffering from dementia and uses the lifetime supply of hard candy he negotiated into his retirement package to leave a trail he can follow to get back home after a night on the town. The only creepy thing about that is the way we treat our elders in this country. SMH. Obama’s America.
AAAAHHHHH WHY IS THAT THING CRAWLING INTO THAT PERSON’S EYE? THAT’S NOT WHERE IT GOES. WHO SAID THIS WAS OKAY? I WANT NAMES. GET IT OUT OF THERE. GET IT OUT. AAAAAAHHHHHHHH.