‘Teen Mom’ Farrah Abraham To Howard Stern: I Pleasure Myself While Watching My Own Sex Tape

I have almost zero idea who Farrah Abraham is because there’s a corner of the television world that intersects with the Internet that I rarely peek into. All I know about Farrah Abraham I learned from Uproxx (that should be the new website tagline; get on that, marketing!). She was in a show called Teen Mom. In 2008, she had a baby with a man who died two month’s before the baby’s birth; her mother was arrested for assaulting her; and the father’s parents have sued Abraham for visitation rights. And oh yeah! She made a sex tape with a guy named James Deen, who I think has something to do with a Lindsay Lohan.

Point is: She’s famous in this weird corner of the Internet where I assume that the Kardashians and Honey Boo Boo hang out and way for their therapy sessions with Dr. Drew while the mouth-mauling TLC virgins stand in judgement. When you’re famous for making a sex tape, then you get to be on Howard Stern, where you get to degrade yourself even more for some of that sweet, sweet fleeting fame.

You could look at it cynically, of course, and say, “Every time you write about her, you feed the fame monster.” That’s probably true, but look at it this way: She’s clearly had a rough life, losing the father of her child, being assaulted by her mother, not to mention whatever circumstances led to her getting pregnant as a teen in the first place. So, she gets $1.2 million for making a sex tape, taking a short cut to the American dream. That sex tapes leads to “celebrity news,” which I then write about, and the morbidly curious among you who need a break from Game of Thrones memes and Mad Men theories click on the post because, hey! Some woman talks about masturbating to her own sex tape. That’s weird! Page views are generated, Internet writers are paid, and those Internet writers are then in a better position to put their own daughters in decent preschools, therefore minimizing their chances of becoming pregnant teens who make sex tapes with guys who have slept with Lindsay Lohan.

So, thanks Farrah Abraham! You may have been paid handsomely for a messed up life and great genetics, but you’ve helped to make it possible for other young women to avoid the path you’ve taken to low-level fame!

Here’s Farrah Abraham talking to Howard Stern about her sex tape, specifically how she likes to watch it while she masturbates. Isn’t the Internet great!