TV

The 10 Biggest Questions In TV History, Answered

Did Daniel Holden kill Hannah Dean? That’s the central mystery of Rectify, but it’s not something that creator Ray McKinnon ever needs to answer. One of the things that makes Rectify one of the best shows on TV is its ambiguity — we don’t know what happened that day many years, and neither does Daniel (I honestly believe, especially after last episode, that he doesn’t remember the events that led to his arrest and subsequent imprisonment). It’s up for us to fill in the blanks, the same as the rest of the characters, and there’s a decent chance we’ll never get the closure we may want, but don’t need.

Other questions are easier to answer, though: here are 10 of the biggest questions in TV history (not including “Who killed Rosie Larsen?”/”What is the Yellow King?” because we don’t need to talk about The Killing more/enough time was already spent on that), with the actual answer and the ACTUAL actual answer provided by the dark corner of the Internet, Yahoo! Answers. Donglord69 knows his stuff.

1. Who killed Laura Palmer?

Show: Twin Peaks.
The answer: her father, Leland, who was possessed by the demonic BOB.
The Yahoo! answer: “OMG !!! I hated that show !!! They would never shut up on the commercials for that show -You would always hear them say ‘Who killed Laura Palmer??’ or whatever – I always would say to myself ‘Who cares’ -then I would just watch Quantum Leap instead.”

2. What the hell is the Smoke Monster?

Show: Lost
The answer: the Man in Black, the incarnation of evil.
The Yahoo! answer: “I think you should go fu’ck yourself.”

3. Who shot J.R.?

Show: Dallas.
The answer: J.R.’s mistress, Kristin Shepard.
The Yahoo! answer: “If you find out, please let me know, i was talking about this subject earler today.”

4. Who shot Mr. Burns?

Show: The Simpsons.
The answer: Maggie Simpson.
The Yahoo! answer: “Maggie didn’t shoot anybody. She is a baby, has no such volition and control, the whole thing was a bizarre accident INVOLVING Maggie. Such incidents are inevitable in a country like the USA that is wedded to the idea of violence without consequences.”

5. Who is the Mother?

Show: How I Met Your Mother.
The answer: the lovely Cristin Milioti.
The Yahoo! answer: “The hot dark haired chick. He first episodes the main guy whos dorky and the hot dark hair girl is telling their childeren how he met their mother.”

6. What’s the deal with the Smoking Man?

Show: The X-Files.
The answer: he’s Mulder’s father and the guy who shot JFK and MLK.
The Yahoo! answer: “Who knows? The truth is out there.”

7. Who did I have to “take care of” for cancelling Terriers?

Show: Terriers.
The answer: America, for not watching the damn show.
The Yahoo! answer: I’m still too depressed to look.

8. Who’s Cartman’s dad?

Show: South Park.
The answer: Jack Tenorman.
The Yahoo! answer: “Who knows his mom is a nymphomaniac tramp!!!!!!!!!”

9. Who’s Jon Snow’s mother?

Show: Game of Thrones.
The answer: read this fan theory if you’re interested.
The Yahoo! answer: “I don’t even know who Jon Snow is.”

10. Did Tony Soprano die?

Show: The Sopranos.
The answer: not that it matters, but YES.
The Yahoo! answer: “You will see him in the Soprano’s movie in either 2008 or 2009.”

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