‘The Americans’ Anxiety Report: Oh, Pastor Tim, You Just Messed Up Bad

05.10.17 12 months ago 5 Comments


The Americans Anxiety Report is a weekly rundown of the people and things we are currently most worried about on the show. It will get weird, because many of the people and things we will be worrying about will be tools in a plot to ruin America, put in motion by another country. Blame the show for this, not us.

10. The Lindens (Last week: Not ranked)

The Lindens, the vacationing family that Philip and Elizabeth were discussing when Paige came home, have two problems. One, as we heard, their daughter is now tagging along on their vacation and will require an adjoining room. Did… did their romantic getaway just get ruined? What’s this kid’s deal? She’s old enough for her own room but she’s tagging along on her parents’ vacation, by herself? What is she going to do the whole time? Sit at the pool and charge meals to the room? She’s wrecking her parents’ second honeymoon. It’s not right.

The second problem is that their travel agents are a wee bit distracted, what with impromptu weddings and multiple identities and two teenage children. Their daughter could end up in their hotel room with them in a cot, when all is said and done. This vacation is doomed.

9. Elizabeth (Last week: Same)

Bad news, good news, and bad news.

BAD: The Kansas mission continues, long-term. This actually isn’t terrible news for Elizabeth because she has a weird appreciation for Ben The Nature Doof, but it’s upsetting to me because I am sick of his stupid face.

GOOD: That secret warehouse wedding was very sweet.

BAD: Her entire world is stressful and crumbling and her daughter and husband look like they might cry themselves into dehydration at any moment.

So a pretty normal week for her.


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