The Bachelorette has a real Chad problem. Chad, if you’ll recall, was the contestant who responded to all of his bio questions with the answer: “Myself in 10 years, alright, alright, alright,” and spent the first two episodes eating meat like a caveman, telling Jojo she was a nag on their first group date, and doing pull ups with a weight belt attached to his suitcase. Chad is kind of a maniac.
Things really came to a head on Monday night’s third episode of the season (and the first of two parts this week), though, which ABC marketed as a “Chadapocalypse” in promos for the show. Chadapocalypse!! And how does a Chadapocalypse happen, you ask? During a “stand-up comedy” group date, one of the other contestants Evan — who we are reminded is an “Erectile Dysfunction Specialist” every time he appears onscreen — gives Chad a good old fashioned ribbing, making light of his apparent “‘roid rage.” That seems like just the sort of thing a guy with alleged roid rage would have a good sense of humor about.
But the post-stand up celebratory chest bumps didn’t last long, because surprisingly Chad didn’t take it so well (compounded with getting rebuffed for a kiss with Jojo in front of literally all of the other guys). After bloodying his knuckles by punching a door and menacingly telling Evan that he was going to die if he didn’t chill, Chad later declared, “If I can’t lift weights, I’m gonna murder someone.”
Chad’s anger issues might end up jeopardizing his chances with Jojo, but even more importantly, they could cost him his bromance with Daniel — the bellybutton-poking MVP who stripped down to his underpants and jumped in the pool during the premiere. This led to the below Come to Jesus meeting between Chad and Daniel, which may not just be the funniest scene in Bachelorette history, but in all of television history.
First of all, I’d like to point out that this conversation happens while Chad is munching on a raw, whole sweet potato like it’s the MOST NORMAL GODDAMN THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, but here is the glorious transcript:
Daniel: I think some of the other guys are pretty intimidated by you. They think you’re like a loose cannon.
Chad: Hmm? [Mouth full of raw sweet potato]
Daniel: You punched a door yesterday!
Daniel: [Laughs] To some people…
Chad: It wasn’t a person.
Daniel: To some people, that’s a big deal. I guess, the first couple of days when we were hanging out, there’s not much of an issue, because there wasn’t that much going on, negative things, but as the days have gone on, it gets difficult because, like, the more I talk to you, I get dragged down, your negativity.
It’s like, you know, pretend you’re Hitler. If I’m friends with you…
Chad: Let’s not pretend I’m Hitler.
Daniel: Let’s just say, let’s just say…
Chad: Let’s not say.
Daniel: Well, let’s say you’re Donald Trump or something. I mean, if I hang out with you, it just makes me look bad, too. Right? So let’s maybe not be so much like Hitler? Be more like Mussolini, you know? Or Bush, right? Maybe just take it down a notch, right?
Chad: [Eats some raw lettuce he had apparently been keeping in his pocket]
Daniel: You know, talking like two guys, right? One guy to another.
Good talk, Daniel. Part two of Chadapocalypse continues tonight. Tune in to see if he makes good on his promise to kill someone! It might happen!