While “30 Rock” is well-written and has an excellent cast, what really separates it from other comedies is Tracy Morgan as Tracy Jordan, and his ability to deliver some of the most insane lines on television — often in the form of non sequitur similes. Aaron over at Unlikely Words has compiled a complete list of every Tracy Jordan line from this past season of “30 Rock,” and it is tremendous — better, perhaps, than last year’s list. Here are some of my favorites:
-Are you a pre-op transcentaur?
-I will eat a bowl of cherries and some ghost meat in his honor.
-You look regular, could I get your name? Is it Pedro? Is it Creckford? Is it Swimming?
-Liz Lemon, you are blowing up like a balloon with a grenade in it.
-Hey, baby. You new here? […] Uh huh. And before you worked here, where you an ass scientist? Because your ass blah, blah, blah, you get the point. So what’s your name?
-OK, I don’t mean to be the black guy at the movies, but, “You better move, girl!”
-Can’t do it, Lee Lem. On Valentine’s Day, Angie and I rent a room with a heart shaped hot tub and cook chili in it. Then we take it to soup kitchen and that’s when it starts to get sexy!
-But it’s like a black Barbie Doll in Arizona, nobody’s buying it.
-Lemoroni, something horrible happened to me last night. I had a dream that Kenneth and I got intimate in a portable Jacuzzi. It was crazy, glistening black and white skin. It looked like a close up of a killer whale being born.
-This is bad because I can’t change. I’m like a chameleon, always a lizard.
-Don’t throw a party for vengeance. It will turn on you. Like your wife, after your kid has fallen into a quarry.
And finally, the 21st episode of the season featured his best lines of the season, when he remembers repressed childhood memories:
-It’s all coming back to, oh my God. I slept on an old dog bed stuffed with wigs! I watched a prostitute stab a clown! Our basketball hoop was a ribcage! A ribcage.
-Why did you bring me here? I blocked all this stuff out for a reason. Oh, Lord. Some guy with dreads electrocuted my fish!
-Well I’m sorry Sean, and child actor whose name I can’t remember. You haven’t walked in my shoes! All my life I’ve tried to forget the things I’ve seen. a crackhead breast-feeding a rat A homeless man cooking a Hot Pocket on a third rail of the G train! The G train, Nermal! There’s something inside of me that needs to come out. And if Garfield 3: Feline Groovy can’t tell my story. Then I’ll win my Oscar elsewhere or I’ll die trying.
-I’ve seen a blind guy bite a police horse! A puppy committed suicide after he saw our bathroom! I once bit into a burrito and there was a child’s shoe in it! I’ve seen a hooker eat a tire! A pack of wild dogs took over and successfully ran a Wendy’s! The sewer people stole my skateboard! The projects I lived in were named after Zachary Taylor, generally considered to be one of the worst presidents of all time! I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo! They were very drunk!
And that’s really just a start. I recommend reading the full list.