The Creator Of ‘Orange Is The New Black’ Once Wrote A Pilot For A Busta Rhymes Superhero Show

08.06.14 4 years ago 3 Comments
Martha Stewart and Busta Rhymes attending the 1997 MTV Video Music Awards in New York City

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The Hollywood Reporter has a big detailed profile of Orange Is the New Black creator Jenji Kohan in its latest issue, and you are welcome to read the whole thing on your own time if you like, but for now, for THIS INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT MOMENT IN TIME, we are going to discuss this paragraph only, which Gawker extracted like a shimmering golden needle from a haystack. Emphasis mine:

Kohan spent the decade or so that followed toiling in the network system, stuck in an endless loop of staffing jobs (Tracey Takes On…, Gilmore Girls) and pilot scripts that went nowhere. There was the comedy about a divorce lawyer still in love with his ex-wife; a superhero show for Busta Rhymes; a Second Wives Club; and a musical rom-com.

Okay, a few things:

1) I have no idea how one acquires a piece of information like “Jenji Kohan, the creator of Orange Is the New Black, once wrote a pilot for a Busta Rhymes superhero show” and then stuffs it between two semi-colons with no further explanation. That demands at least a parenthetical or footnote, and preferably an entirely separate 5,000 word oral history.

2) This is both excellent news and wildly depressing news. On one hand, the phrase “a superhero show for Busta Rhymes” has been introduced into our lives, and we are all better, happier humans for it. On the other hand, it means some person in a suit read a script about Busta Rhymes using super powers to fight crime, finished it, and said “Pass.” I will require at least three days to process my feelings on this.

3) I have no idea how anyone asks Jenji Kohan about literally anything else after finding out that she wrote a pilot for a Busta Rhymes superhero sitcom. Family, friends, food delivery people, everyone. Non-stop. Forever.

4) This script now ranks ever-so-slightly ahead of the letters Tony Danza wrote to Tupac Shakur while Tupac was in prison on the great big list of Things I Must See Before I Die If My Life Is To Have Any Meaning.

5) Chances Spliff Star played the Robin to Busta’s Batman in this pilot: Well over 100%.

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