The Most WTF Moments From Last Night’s ‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’

Full disclosure: I have been spending the week in New Orleans and consumed a few adult beverages before watching last night’s episode of American Horror Story, “Test of Strength,” so please excuse me if this recap is only slightly more intelligible than the episode itself. A lot happened last night! Not much of it made a whole lot of sense but that’s OK, let’s sort this out together.

First of all, everyone is blackmailing everyone. Really, you can’t have a proper salacious television show without at least one or two blackmail storylines. Stanley is blackmailing Del for being gay, Dot is blackmailing Elsa for selling them into slavery to a serial killer. We know that Stanley is blackmailing Del to help him in his creepy ploy to get rich off of dead freaks and Bette and Dot have a long list of demands for Elsa. Of course, Dot’s end game is still that surgery she wants so bad. Either way, always good to have a good blackmail up the sleeve.

Last night we got another shoehorned-in musical number with Evan Peters singing Nirvana’s “Come As You Are,” which seems like it may have been a legit sexual experience for a good amount of young women, if tumblr is any indication. Oh, and speaking of tumblr, this is my favorite thing that I found there this morning:

Dandy Let The Twins Go And Nobody Got Murdery

Last week’s cliffhanger implied that some violence was about to go down, after Dandy found out that Dot was using his family’s wealth for that dumb operation that will leave her with a neck stump. The last thing we saw was Dandy slipping a knife into the back of his pants and then Jimmy — who Dandy already has a beef with — coming to the door. But instead Dandy just has a temper tantrum over the twins leaving, who he now says he loves and apparently doesn’t want to murder anymore. But he did make this face so I guess something might go down in the next episode. Or who knows, he’ll decide he always wanted to be a painter and move away from Jupiter forever. Just as plausible.

Reminder: Jimmy And Esmeralda Are Still Boning

“We’re never going to leave this place blah blah blah blah snore . . .”

LOL OK Del

Of all the people to try to kill in the freakshow, why the hell does Del initially go after the one person who can overpower him? This makes as much sense as anything I guess. Del tries to attack Amazon Eve, who promptly kicks the crap out of him — and also implies that Del has come on to her before. Which, again, haven’t Del and Desiree only been there for a few weeks in the universe of the series? How much is Del getting around for someone married (but now separated) to a fake hermaphrodite with a gay sidepiece? Who also can’t get it up, may I remind you.

Jimmy Finds Out Del Is His Dad, Is OK With It

As the outcome of Del Trying to kill Eve, all the women in the camp want Del dead, but Jimmy is suddenly feeling charitable to the guy who beat his ass a few episodes ago. The two have a come to Jesus heart-to-heart over a bottle of cheap booze and Jimmy admits he knows that Del is the dad that abandoned him, but he’s totally cool with that now for some reason. Booze! Truly the cause of and solution to all of our problems.

Penny’s A Freak Now Too

Of all the f*cked up things that have happened on this season so far, this might be the most f*cked up, which is saying something. OK so your daughter is going through a rebellious phase and wants to date a tattooed guy with flippers. Here’s a good solution, permanently disfigure her and ruin her life for ever and ever! Hooray! Good judgement and sanity once again prevails in the American Horror Story universe.

RIP Ma Petite

So let me pose a completely reasonable question, here. Why didn’t Del just kill off Stanley/Richard? (Stanchard?) Or not! He’s already ostracized himself from the camp of freaks by attacking one of their own, who cares if anyone knows he’s gay, too? Actually, a gay strong man would be more of a draw in the 1950s than a straight strong man, if you ask me. But for whatever dumb reason, Del goes along with the blackmail and horrifyingly kills off the most adorable of the freaks. I’m really not happy about this, you guys.

Mercy Killing?

Elsa and Stanley intend to literally kill two birds with one stone, except for the part that Ethel completely overheard their conversation. Ethel previously told Elsa that she would “kill her with her bare hands if she did anything to harm those girls,” so all bets are off whether she actually does or the writers just forget about that conversation, because — look! Something shiny! We’ll have to wait two weeks to find out, as American Horror Story takes a brief hiatus for Thanksgiving.

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