There’s an easy way to gauge if you’re too old to be cool: watch the VMAs. If you find yourself saying, “Who is that person?” and “Why are they wearing that?” and “This show used to be better!” and “This is music is terrible!” then you are old and not cool. You’re also correct, but that’s another story.
Anyway, the VMAs don’t warrant paragraph form. You get bullets:
- Lady Gaga won eight awards, most of them for “Bad Romance.” It’s the biggest haul since Peter Gabriel won nine for “Sledgehammer” in 1987, and it ties the mark for second-most awards by the legendary a-ha. Oh, and she wore crazy crap. But you knew that already (inset image via).
- Chelsea Handler is not good at comedy.
- During last year’s VMAs, I joked that if you were only reading about the show on Twitter, you would have thought that Kanye West raped Taylor Swift onstage, such was the moral outrage. This year, if you listened to Swift debut her new song in which she forgives Kanye, you would think Kanye raped her onstage.
- Best New Artist: Duh, Justin Bieber. He played the drums. What a cute little lesbian.
- Kanye’s performance (video below) was pretty cool. Or not. I don’t know any more. But he sings about drinking to douchebags and assh*les, and MTV didn’t bleep assh*les, which I thought was nice. Kids may as well know that “assh*le” isn’t a big deal to say, unlike our ad partners.
Anyway, when I look back on this night, I’ll always think, “Wow, I can’t believe Alex Barron cost the Cowboys the game with that holding penalty.”