Sharknados are about to get political. Well, sort of.
With a third movie already in the works, there is a group of petitioners hoping to bring the bloody franchise to the nation’s capital. They’ve got a pretty great name for it, too: Sharknado 3: Fin-Dependence Day.
The petition itself, addressed to SyFy and President Obama, of course, is ridiculously grand and over-the-top silly — basically everything you could hope for and expect from a Sharknado 3 petition. Because it deserves to be read in full, as a whole, here it is:
Sharknado and Sharknado 2: The Second One, are the cinematic masterpieces America needs. In a time plagued by war, terror, economic recession, and congressional gridlock, the American people need somewhere to turn. Thanks to the work of SyFy, they have been able to turn to Sharknado.
They turn here for heroes, for adventures, for friends. They turn here for an escape from the troubles of life. But perhaps most of all, they turn here for sharks. Terrifying, bloody, angry sharks. This tale, like the spirit of the American people, must carry on.
It is for this reason that we, the people, ask that you film Sharknado 3: Fin-Dependence Day, and that you film it in our nation’s capital, Washington, DC.
DC is the city on the hill, the bastion of freedom, and the home of monuments to our nation’s great leaders such as George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Bryce Harper, and Ben Ali. DC is a city filled with history, majesty, and democracy. Most importantly, DC is a city that deserves to be pounded relentlessly by an inexplicable tornado filled with sharks.
Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask yourself what you can do to make sharks pummel our nation’s capital.
Four score and seven years ago, our nation rose together to overcome the greatest Sharknado known to man.
I have a dream that one day, children of all colors will live in fear of a third Sharknado.
As of writing this, the petition’s received 34 supporters. I expect double that by tonight. Don’t let me down, ‘Murica. Or, at the very least, maybe you can suggest another city/setting for the freak storm that is sure to be Sharknado 3?
