These Mornin’ Links Are Sage Advice

07.09.10 8 Comments

Danger Guerrero here, y’all.  You’ve got me all day for your Friday pleasure.  The other fill-ins have been received, shall we say, roughly.  To combat this, I’m channeling Commodus from Gladiator and appealing to my subjects base instincts.  GIRLS IN BIKINIS, FIREWORKS, HOBOS WIELDING WINDSHIELD WIPERS FIGHTING TO THE DEATH!  Unlike Commodus, I will not be a sniveling little bitch who constantly tries to bang his sister.  Mainly because I don’t have one.  Because if I did, she’d be quite the temptress.  *puts on wig and lipstick, makes kissy face at mirror*

Uproxx Feature.  New contributor RM Herold brings a serious look at a string of Mexican folk singer slayings.  It’s a change of pace from the typical humor piece over there.  I’m sure it will do well, as Uproxx readers are noted for being easy going and rolling with the punc… *is overtaken by gang wearing “Bring Back Matt” shirt, kicked in the shins, urinated on, and dragged through town as a message to future fill-ins*  [Uproxx]

Dad? A sixty year old man gets freaky at the Hedonism II resort.  I haven’t seen an old man dance so explicitly since my uncle showed me his version of the Hokey Pokey.  Twas a touch heavy on the pokey.  [Asylum]

Worst.  Travesty.  Ever. Apple has cranked up security after some comic book nerds were scammed by someone who was charging them for stuff they never ordered.  With the scam’s failure, the world will go back to the original method of picking on comic book readers – swirlies. [Comics Alliance]

CAT NEWZ. An in-depth investigation of the cats from the “Big Cat Slaps Top Hat Off Tiny Cat” video.  In other news, I’ll lose another hour watching that clip.  [Urlesque]

More after the jump, including Alison Brie saying naughty, filthy things.

Um, can I see your medical license? Doctor tries to cure a woman’s OCD by making her dip her finger in urine.  But when I ask people to dip their fingers in urine, it’s weird.  Maybe because I’m furiously masturbating at the time.  This requires more testing.  [TVSquad]

Censoring it with a football doesn’t make censoring ok.  Guyism lists the 50 best female wardrobe malfunctions in sports.  You know, like the time that WNBA player’s penis fell out of her shorts.  [Guyism]

Mmm, WAGS. The best free agent WAGS on the market.  I vote we all pitch in and try to max out some of these ladies.  [Bleacher Report]

Mmm, balls- I mean, uh… something else… A list of 10 movies with the word “Balls” in the title.  [Gunaxin]

And finally, an NSFW Funny or Die vid with Alison Brie saying extremely freaky and disgusting sexual things.  As someone who has spent a little time dreaming up freaky sex scenarios with Ms. Brie (not that much time, only like 4-5 hours a day), this is right in my wheelhouse.

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