This week on Top Chef Charleston, it was team challenges and “trash fish.” But first, the chefs all had a group cry over last week’s eliminado, Handsome Sam. “I can’t believe Sam is really gone!” They quailed. “He was such a great chef!” “Yeah, and so handsome!”
Katsuji even pulled a 1988 Vice Presidential Debate-esque diss out of it. “BJ, you’re a great chef, but I knew Handsome Sam. I cooked with Handsome Sam. You are no Handsome Sam. He was just… so handsome.”
Then in the quickfire, the cheftestants squared off in a holiday “present challenge,” which was not at all like Chopped, nosirree, that could get us sued. You see, in this challenge, each chef received a “present.” And inside each “present” was a basket, er, “box,” which contained a series of ingredients — and things! — that the chefs would have to utilize in their dishes. Winner received immunity, loser got chopped. Er, scorned publicly. Those basket, er, box ingredients (and things!)? A pressure cooker, tequila, pomegranate, chocolate pretzels, cloves, wasabe, squab, and a melon baller. Fun fact: “squab” is actually pigeon. Why don’t they just call it pigeon, then? Well, it’s just that “squab” has a nicer ring to it than “Sewage-dwelling flying hepatitis rat.” Mmm, this is good flying sewage rat, you can really taste the hepatitis.
When they introduced the melon baller, the editors cut to a confessional with Chef Jim (aka Truman Compote) who said “I can’t remember the last time I touched a melon baller!”
Which had to be a huge lie, because if anyone uses a melon baller it’s this adorable Southern house-gnome: