The Five Most Absurd ‘Total Divas’ Moments Of The Week

Previously on Total Divas, Lana and Renee got into one of the realest fights in the history of the show, and Maryse fixed her crummy eyesight.

Starting with the season six’s second-half premiere, I’m going to be trying something a bit different in terms of format for the remainder of the season. Rather than a blow-by-blow recap, we’ll highlight the best, brightest, and most ridonkulous moments of each episode. Let’s keep this train rolling!

And now, the five most absurd moments from season six, episode 14 of Total Divas.

Bulgarian wedding!

Lana and Rusev are in Bulgaria for their second wedding ceremony. Luckily, Jody Kristofferson also made the trip. Lana wants her sister to be the maid of honor, but Rusev’s family has already decided upon the “Best Man and Best Woman.” Lana won’t let it go, even though she already had her own dream wedding in Malibu. SHEESH.

Naomi, Jon, and Natalya all make the trip all the way out to Bulgaria for the wedding. That’s true friendship. It’s also the highlight of the episode when they take a car to their destination and their driver speaks a bunch of Bulgarian, to which Jon deadpans, “You from here?” This show needs so much more Jon.

Another golden moment: Natalya toasting to “wacky” Bulgaria and then everyone toasting to their “future endeavors.”

Bulgarian tradition!

Prior to the wedding, Lana has to get christened in a Greek orthodox monastery, and the rituals involve mock-spitting and putting her feet in water while a priest splashes her with water from what looks like a fancy garbage can. Rather than it being a fun way to look at other people’s traditions, they treat this like it’s Green Room. They have to cut a small piece of her hair and she refuses until everyone finally convinces her to give in. Jody in particular shines here, grousing, “IT’S A TRADITION” from the peanut gallery until Rusev tells him to pipe down.

https://twitter.com/totaldivaseps/status/857403635805954052

Later, Rusev asks everyone to put on traditional Bulgarian outfits and learn a dance. It’s fun!

Lana finally explains that she doesn’t feel like Rusev doesn’t respect her and fill her in on everything regarding the traditions. He points out that she’s spitting on his country on its traditions. Probably because the traditions involve spit! Of all people, Natalya ends up being the voice of reason, saying Lana needs to try to just go with the flow sometimes.

And then everything works out okay! Yay! Other traditions involve hiding a shoe and agreeing upon a price before the groom will be let in. It’s pretty wonderful, all things considered.

Father Marie

Eva Marie is home visiting her mother and her father, who is recovering from knee replacement surgery. Father Marie, the cackling patriarch who brought us “HARD NO,” is also still battling colon cancer, and he refuses to eat healthy. It’s driving Eva up the wall that he doesn’t want to take care of himself.

Eva and THE RETURN OF DEEP V JONATHAN toss out all the unhealthy leftovers in the house and bring in healthy food to make green smoothies and what have you. Later, they discover that Father Marie is still smoking, too. Later, Eva explains that she’s just worried about him. He says that he wants to change his lifestyle, but he has to let these things happen on his terms.

Mother Marie’s Eva shrine

When Jonathan and Eva snoop around to see what sort of unhealthy things her father might have stashed away, they notice Eva’s mother’s shrine to her, which includes her action figure and some … not-very-mom-friendly photos.

Oh, and this shrine is in Eva Marie’s childhood bedroom, right alongside photos of her in middle school.

Attempting to dance with a star

While Nikki is training for her comeback, she gets an email letting her know there’s interest in her joining the cast of Dancing With The Stars. But she has to choose! Cena tells her there’s no way she can do both, because it’s like when he does his TV show in between when he wrestles. Yes, good analogy. It’s very similar … you know, the way you do both.

I’m sure this may come as a surprise to you, but Nikki eventually decides to focus on her wrestling comeback and turns down DWTS. I was personally tipped off when she was never on DWTS.

Next week: Natalya tries to get an agent for her cat, and Nikki has to find a new finisher.