There have been quite a few moments during this season of True Blood – the sixth overall and certainly not the show’s final – that I’ve found myself wondering, “What the heck is going on here?” Among them, the entire Alcide/Sam/Emma/Nicole subplot, the quick lives of three of Andy Bellefleur’s four daughters and the depressing downward spiral of Terry Bellefleur. Strangely, as each of those (and others) played out, not a single one has left me as befuddled as one character’s storyline, as I expected him to be a major player from beginning to end.
But before we get to that, I thought that “Dead Meat,” the eighth episode of this shortened season – thanks a lot for getting pregnant, Anna Paquin – was relatively boring until the final minutes set us up for what I’m hoping and expecting to be two seriously crazy final episodes. In fact, I really want to just speculate on the preview for next week’s episode, “Life Matters,” but I’ll fight the urge. This time.
True or False: Hey, someone finally remembered that Niall hasn’t been seen in like four episodes.
Yeah, so about that whole befuddlement. Before “Dead Meat” began, I actually asked myself, “Hey, why hasn’t Sookie wondered where her grandfather went?” Because, you know, he was kind of instrumental in setting her up to take on Warlow, but then he’s locked away in another dimension and Sookie doesn’t even blink. Instead, she’s just like, “Hey, I’m gonna tie Warlow up and have sex with him now, because I’m Sookie and that’s what I do.”
Anyway, I expect Niall to make a comeback in one of these last two episodes. Or at least show us where the hell Warlow sent him to. You can’t just forget Rutger Hauer like that.
True or False: Steve Newlin is still the absolute worst character in the history of shows about vampires.
Okay, back to the camp, where the tainted Tru Blood has quickly become the worst kept secret. Not only is it Steve Newlin’s fault that our favorite vampires have been locked up in the vamp camp, but now he’s selling them out to Sarah Newlin, because he’s too tired to run in the hamster wheel. I’d say that I want someone to rip his spine out, but he clearly doesn’t have one. I’m hoping that he doesn’t die by meeting the sun and is instead kept around for something truly gruesome. He really deserves it.
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True or False: You just don’t pick a fight with Alcide, ladies.
On one hand, it’s nice to see Alcide kicking some ass again after spending the entire season walking around all pissed off, trying to find Sam and Emma, only to let them go. On the other hand, it’s not really fun to watch him beat the crap out of Rikki and the other women of the pack. I still have no clue what is being set up for Alcide, but I hope it’s something pretty entertaining to make up for everything else this season.
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True or False: There’s no reason to go after Terry’s murderer.
I get that Arlene is really upset that Terry was killed, but there’s no point to go after the guy who killed him. He hired Justin to shoot him because he didn’t want to be miserable anymore, so Arlene should just take the $2 million and have a nice funeral, and then maybe go on a little vacation for the final two episodes.
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True or False: Sookie is such a typical female.
Speaking of Sam, of course Sookie showed up to tell him that she’s thinking about getting rid of her faery powers so they can run away together. OF COURSE SHE IS. What a typical girl to chase the bad boys for all these years and leave the nice guy who would treat her like gold just hanging back in the dust, only to come to him right after he declares his love to Nicole and realizes she’s pregnant. What a completely worthless scene.
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True or False: A Pam’s gotta do what a Pam’s gotta do.
Pam having sex with her human psychiatrist, while disgusting in thought, was pretty hilarious. And I hope that he enjoyed it, because from the looks of the preview for next week’s episode, the good doctor doesn’t have much time left on this Earth.
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True or False: We still don’t know jack about Violet, but Jason is a lucky, lucky snack.
Violet’s background is still a mystery, but I guess there isn’t much that we need to know, other than she’s a 1 and Jason Stackhouse is eternally her snack and sex toy. Jason may be the most annoying of all True Blood characters, but he sure makes up for it in having sex with the best female characters. In this case, it’s just too bad that…
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True or False: Violet and James are probably going to meet the sun.
For all I know, Violet and James could be sticking around beyond this season to inject some fresh blood and plots into the show, but they just stink of Star Trek character wearing a red shirt right now. Some of the vampires in the camp are going to have to die, and Jessica is a glutton for punishment, so it makes sense that she’d watch James die. And yes, I may be saying that just because I’m pissed that Jessica is in love with him. (I’m such a loser.)
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True or False: Bill vs. Eric was pretty lousy. At least for now.
Eric’s rage over Bill’s inability to save Nora and the lack of tact he showed in asking Eric to join the fight against the humans at the camp right after his sister melted in his own arms should have led to one hell of a dust-up. Instead, Bill floated Eric around and slammed him into the ground before calling it a day. I do not believe that their next encounter will be the same.
True or False: Eric just went from badass on 10 to badass all the way up to 11.
If it seems like most of the other characters have been moving in slow motion this season, maybe it’s because Eric is progressing at light speed. He seems to be the only one making rash decisions, and those are the kinds that we love best. Now he’s taken the blood of Andy’s only remaining faery daughter – I hate writing her full name – and used it to get to Warlow, who was conveniently left tied up in the faery world by Sookie. Eric is all hopped up on the powerful blood and, as we see in the preview for the next episode, he’s going to do very naughty things with it.
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True or False: But at least Eric is still a gentleman.
That poor kid.
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True or False: Sarah Newlin just stole the entire season with her first murder.
This scene – that I can’t post because of the man-on-man sex scene but you can watch right here with the reminder that it’s NSFW – in which Sarah Newlin murders Ms. Suzuki of the Tru Blood company is FANTASTIC. Seriously, if I didn’t want my dog to think I was a bigger dork than I am, I would have given my TV a standing ovation.
