‘True Blood’ True Or False Episode Recap: ‘Fire In The Hole’ Was Too Cold

Ordinarily, I try to write the True Blood episode recap intro before I watch the episode so I can come into it as fresh as when I watch the episode, but this time I decided to wait until after. I immediately regret that decision. It’s safe to say that I never saw this episode’s absurd ending coming, and I’m pretty pissed off about it. And I’ve already looked for reactions on Tumblr – possibly my favorite thing to do after any episode, because people are hilariously irrational – and people are even more pissed than I am.

Obviously, I won’t spoil the ending in the opening, despite the fact that you shouldn’t be reading an episode recap if you haven’t watched the episode (unless you’re only here because you love me, in which case *winks*). So let’s just jump right into this week’s episode, “Fire in the Hole,” and talk about how something that started out so wonderfully, before getting so boring, could end so terribly. F-minus on this episode, True Blood. F-f*cking-minus.

True or False: Not cool calling out the bro for checking out the babe, yogi.

We didn’t know where that yoga class was going at first, but the yogi definitely made it clear that he was a douchebag by calling out the bro checking out the girl’s rear end. Sure, the bro was a douchebag, too, but there are subtler ways to handle things. That said, let’s get really geeked out…

True or False: About. F*cking. Time. Welcome back, Sarah Newlin.

You can’t get me three episodes into this season with as little Eric Northman as we’ve had and keep depriving me of Sarah Newlin. Her level of villainy was off the charts by last season’s end, and we’re supposed to believe that she just decided to vanish and practice yoga, all so she could have an affair with her yogi? Whatever, welcome back, Sarah.

Now, let’s go ahead and ignore you while other crap happens, some of which is important and some not as much. Spoiler: The not as much is Tara’s annoying mom.

True or False: Tara might actually be dead, after all.

Well, so much for my prediction that Tara’s not dead, now that Pam admitted that she felt her True Death. Now, I do still have a thought on this – we didn’t see her die, which is f*cked up when you consider the end of this episode, so I think there’s still something to that. Especially when you consider that the pharmaceutical company came after Eric with those chains in France, and then we saw the chains again at the end. At this point, I’m thinking that the Japanese corporation is collecting vampires, and Tara is with them. But I could be very wrong, and I kind of hope I’m wrong, because what the hell does Tara bring back to the table?