It didn’t seem possible that last week’s episode of True Blood, “Lost Cause,” could leave a worse taste in my brain’s mouth than any of the other episodes from this lackluster final season, but all of that Ted Cruz stupidity really took things to a new level. Leave it to a series that had one job in its final season – to either kill everyone off in spectacular fashion or make them fall in love without making us barf – to not only keep introducing stupid new plotlines, but also pick a political flame war* for the sake of drumming up cheap ratings. Actually, you know what? I don’t know why I’m complaining. After all, I always whine that True Blood doesn’t try to surprise us anymore, and yet here I am surprised.
Anyway, when we last left our supernatural friends in Bon Temps, Bill was getting all sorts of emo over his Civil War past and the woman he claimed would be the only one he’d love for eternity, while Sookie and the gang made House Party 2 look like Citizen-f*cking-Kane. In the only interesting plot remaining, though, Eric Northman and Pam finally caught Sarah Newlin, and a lot of wealthy Texans and Yakuza foot soldiers paid the ultimate price in the process. Unfortunately, Eric’s reunion with Sarah was short-lived, as the preview revealed, and now we’re supposed to believe that Eric would actually die with five episodes left. If he dies in this week’s True Blood episode, “Karma,” all 36 of us still watching will riot.
On with the standard 50 minutes of awful crap and 6 minutes of decent action and storytelling.
*Did you know: The producers reportedly invited Sarah Palin to appear in an episode this season. That’s so edgy or something.
True or False: There are no such things at spoiler alerts at Comic-Con.
Before we even get into the episode, let’s talk about this teaser trailer for the final five episodes of Season 7. Obviously, as we’ve all expected, Sarah Newlin is the key to the Hep-V cure, so it’s just a matter of catching her and not letting her escape like Eric, Pam and the Yakuza just did last week. As for everyone else in Bon Temps, I didn’t really pay attention, because I saw Lettie Mae being led to Tara’s spirit and I threw my monitor in the garbage disposal. I have an unusually large garbage disposal.
True or False: Even a sick and dying Eric Northman is better than anyone else.
You’d think that with all of their money and resources, the Yakuza would have developed some kind of vampire stun gun technology to avoid moments like Eric slaughtering them like they’re bugs flying into an electric zapper. But then, it wouldn’t be very entertaining for us if Eric spent the only three minutes that he’s in the episode getting his ass kicked instead of beating the life out of some A-holes with swords.